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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.

This is me

  • redroxy82
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25 Jul 12 #345258 by redroxy82
Topic started by redroxy82
Hey everyone,
Let me introduce myself!
I left my ex in Nov 11, after 8 years together, 4 years married, a mortgage and 2 children.
He had always been violent but also controlling so I thought it was ok to be hit and verbally abused, I thought it was my fault.
In Aug 10 when 6 months pregnant with my 2nd daughter I found out my ex was having an affair with a transsexual. I tried to make the marriage work as was due to drop and also had a 2 year old little girl, I forgave him, he promised to stop etc etc.
However he didn''t stop, we spent £400 on marriage counselling and he didn''t stop. The violence grew worse and he''d openly go and stay with her and expect me to sit at home waiting for him.
He''d go AWOL, see her when on his night shift at work or go to the gym but be with her.
In this time I found out she was one of a long list which included other transsexuals, prostitutes and even friends!!
I found out whilst in labour he was outside on the phone to her as he missed her, she was born 04/01/11.
Finally on 11/11/11 I left, when I saw his FB account and he was arranging to meet a man for sex. I packed a bag for me and one for the girls and went to my parents. I never returned.
He changed the locks and was not allowed to see the girls after assaulting me yet again in Jan 2012. All violence was witnessed by my eldest daughter. He''s been arrested but never charged.
I moved into my parents home, the 3 of us sharing a room and a bed. The council would not help us as 7 in a 3 bed house is not overcrowding!!
I finally had to rent privately in Jan 2012. I work full time so do not get legal aid.
In March 2012 went to court over contact of children, there is a contact order in place but will be irrelevant from Sep 2012 as eldest starts school. Ex works shifts so contact has to work around that.
He was divorcing me for MY unreasonable behaviour but has now stopped as he can''t afford it (also think me having a new man might have something to do with it!!)
Have had harrassment and threats on and off since Jan (depending on his mood) Police cannot do anything as we still have house and children so he has to contact me!
He has since moved home with parents and had not paid mortgage for months (we owe £5k) cannot rent out as I will lose housing benefit. He now wants to do a voluntary repossession but I''m not sure??
Anyway that''s me in a nutshell. If you got this far thank you and any help or advice would be greatly appreciated as just don''t know where to go from here!!
If he is divorcing me, can I make him carry it on or can he just stop?? xxxxx

  • epitome title
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04 Aug 12 #347260 by epitome title
Reply from epitome title

  • Nanny18
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04 Aug 12 #347292 by Nanny18
Reply from Nanny18
Just want to say welcome to wiki.
Keep bumping up your post till someone with the right experience comes along.

  • redroxy82
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06 Aug 12 #347633 by redroxy82
Reply from redroxy82
Bump xx

  • hadenoughnow
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06 Aug 12 #347676 by hadenoughnow
Reply from hadenoughnow

I think the reason you have not had a response is because it is hard to work out exactly what your question is. Your story is a very complex one and you have my sympathy for what you have been, and are still, going through. However, when it comes to the finances who did what, when and with whom, has no bearing on any settlement. It all boils down to needs and means.

I think your question is about whether or not he can stop the divorce. Have you actually had a divorce petition or just a draft? If no petition has been submitted to the court (you can ring and check)then you can issue your own. If the petition has been issued but not progressed, after a reasonable period of time - you would need advice on how long but at least 6 months AFAIK - you can ask for it to be dismissed ''for want of prosecution'' and issue your own.

Is the FMH now empty? Could you move back in and see if you can come to an arrangement with the mortgage company about paying arrears? Is the mortgage in joint names? Is there any equity in the property? Do you earn enough to take on the mortgage in your own name?

There are other questions to be asked if you want help with a fair financial settlement - but I don''t want to over complicate things right now.


PS You may want to get things out of your system by starting as blog. Can be very cathartic!

  • Emma8485
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06 Aug 12 #347677 by Emma8485
Reply from Emma8485
I cant help at all in terms of finances other than to say if you can avoid the house being reposessed then you should try and explore that. I believe you can get help whislt on Benefits fro the interest payments, but i am not an expert.

One thing I did pick up on though is that your contact order is irrelevant once your eldest starts school? Is that how its worded as that seems rather unusual?

Take care you sound like you are going through the mill x

  • missguided
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06 Aug 12 #347684 by missguided
Reply from missguided
Sorry, no experience on this one, but just wanted to say hi and that you have found a great support network
Miss x

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