Hello

Hello everyone.
First time on here today, really looking for some advice and help regarding the situation I''m in. Heres my story:
Been living with my E2B for 22yrs, in the same house, married for 11 of those. We have 4 children, 18, 15, 13 and 12. He left Feb this year and met ''his dream woman'' 5 days later, and is currently living the dream on holiday with her. Loads of discussions, disagreements and arguments have happened during the last 5 months. He had an agreement drawn up by his solicitor, which I was going to sign, to save a court battle. Anyway, because of his recent behaviour towards me and the children, I have decided not to sign.
He is keeping on to me to sign as he has no money and nowhere to live, he cannot move in with his girlfriend because of the terms on her mortgage (her ex got killed 6yrs ago, now the house is her kids). Both our names are on the mortgage, which he has been paying, but he has not give me any maintenance since he left. He has no money, but within weeks of leaving, he bought himself a car for £18,000, just gone abroad with gf, bought new clothes, eats out in fancy restaurants, regularly takes her to the cinema and spends all weekends out and about going places with her, when he should be spending time with his kids, they even pay some one to do their ironing!!! No money, huh? Anyway, the point is, his parents want him out and he got no where to live, so his solicitor has advised him to move back in. He says, I got to sleep on the sofa, he will do nothing to help out, and not pay anything as the bills are now all in my name. This is really going to cause so much upset for me and my children, we are in a happy home now. He is also going to inform tax credits that hes back, so my money will go right down, there is now way I can afford to let this happen. He also says he''ll have his gf in too. None of us want him here, it will cause nothing but trouble. Please someone tell me, there is something I can do, hes back Friday!!!!!

hi i am so sorry this sounds awful for you my stbx was coming back at weekends and that was intolerable never mind moving back in.....
first of all is the house in joint names because sadly if it is he does have rights to come in to it......... i dont think he has lived away from the home long enough for you to have a right to privacy ie be able to not allow him in ....but one of the more knowlegeable wikis will let you know about that i am sure.............
the one thing i would do is why is he saying you will have to sleep on the sofa....im sorry... get a lock put on your bedroom door and put anything in there of a personal nature and keep the key with you......
you might want to do this for your children if it is appropriate as well....he may be allowed to come back but i am not sure you have to make it that comfortable for him....
i am sorry i cannot be more helpful......

Thank you! Yes, mortgage is in joint names, hes been paying it instead of paying maintenance, so hes got off lightly there as its only around £100 a month (interest only). I have no idea why he thinks he can take the bed, he''ll probably be at his gf''s some nights anyway. I''m not prepared to bed share, so a lock is a good idea, although a bit inconvenient, lol. As for tax credits, I have no idea if he can do that, and surely he should pay towards the running costs?

I agree that you probably can''t stop him returning but I also think you should make it as awkward as possible. Don''t just put a lock on your bedroom door, put anything of any value in your room and the kids, and put locks on them all!!
With regards to the mortgage and maintenance: With 4 kids he should be paying 25% of his income in maintenance to you. He can only pay the mortgage instead if this is equivalent to, or greater than, the sum he ought to pay in maintenance. Looking at his outgoings, I suspect he would have to give you a lot more than this. In your shoes I would contact the CSA tomorrow and make a claim. So when he stops paying the mortgage in anger at having to pay maintenance, you will have more money coming in than before and will be able to manage this outgoing
As for tex credits, I''ve read differing things on this site. One accepted route is that, even though you may be forced to share a roof for the time being, your finances are separate, and as you are not cooking, cleaning for him, etc, you have a separate life. Therefore the tax credits can continue as though you are a single mum. I have read of some instances where tax credits don''t accept this explanation though so perhaps someone could clarify this point for you. The best bet is to get onto them yourself and explain what might be about to happen, and what you should do if it does. Don''t give him the satisfaction of thinking he''s caused you a problem!!

Thank you so much for your replies. For anyone else who finds them in a similar situation, I have rang tax credits, and they told me as long as I can prove we are living separate lives, my allowance should not be affected. I have someone coming in the morning to give me a quote for bedroom door lock, dont think I can afford to have all bedrooms done, but its certainly a step in the right direction. If anyone else has any suggestions I would be happy to hear from you. Surely there must be a way I can stop this from happening, its going to cause so much disruption to us all. Thanks again x

hi! i am no expert but i thought when ex moved out for a amount of time that he would not necessarily be able to return as you have a right of privacy also would upset children.

Any idea how he managed to purchase a £18,000 car if he has no money? Has he taken out a loan after separation or did it come from marital resources.

I agree with the other poster regarding WTC and reporting you - blimey he can hardly say you are co-habiting when he has a girlfiend and wants you to sleep on the sofa.

I would hope that the other lady involved would not be so abusive and harrassing as to want to enter your home and that of your children. I can hardly think if I were in that situation that entering the house of the scorned spouse and 4 of her off spring would be something I would want to do or think a sensible way forward.

Is there really any point him moving in? What is the potential equity involved and if you sold would you be able to put a roof over your head and the heads of 4 children all of whom are old enough to make up their own minds about where they live?