Hi All, Been in unhappy marriage for 20 years as I thought it was better for my 2 kids to have a dad around, but it was more like I had 3 kids for all the help I got. Now the kids are 15 & 18 and I felt the time was right to break free and be happy. Noone else is involved as I do want to be on my own with my kids and be happy. Hubby got income, caravan, jeep and wants half the house. The he''s going to germany to live. Getting free 1/2 hr consultation next week as hubby trying to get me to agree to things without advice butI have no idea where to begin and I want it to be fair. My older boy blames me as I was the one who wanted to end it and my hubby hasn''t bothered with my daughter.I feel like the baddie as I''m the one left to pick up the pieces with them. Find it very hard not to let the anger take over and i don''t want to waste my energy like this so I''m finding it very hard. My hubby has been all round my friends and alienated me so would love people to talk with. Need support to handle my kids feelings and talk to someone who understands how I feel. So Hi guys.
Welcome to Wiki but sorry about your situation. You must not agree to anything before seeking proper advice. There are people on here who can help give you an idea of a fair settlement if you can supply more information, although it''s probably best to start a fresh thread.
You need to think carefully about what your needs are for your future financial security, particularly as you have a child of 15. It may be, depending on the equity in your house and your comparitive earning potential, that you will need more than 50%. Have you discussed a possible split and do you think you will be far adrift in what each of your expectations are. There is also the issue of child support.
Try to make a list of all the questions you have for the free half hour appointment, and remember to stay in the driving seat, i.e. it''s you that''s instructing the solicitor.
Your husband''s reactions are not unusual and try to keep in mind that this is all a shock to him and that you have adjusted already as it has been in your mind for some time.
I am sure there are other people on here who will be along soon to advise on how to handle the children. Mine were ''grown up'' when my marriage broke down.
Good luck and ask all the questions you can on here. It will be a tremendous help to you, promise!
Welcome to wiki Diddydi.
You have come to the right place for advice and support.
I was in a similar situation to you but to scared to call it a day, so i waited for him to find someone else. My 14yr old at the time just put his head down and just ignored it all, where the 16 yr old took it bad and i had to wait to start the divorce. She now realises that the last 2 yrs have been so much better without him here.
We are now all more relaxed and the house has a nice atmosphere.
Do not do anything till you have sort advice.
Just because he wants half does not mean he will get it.
I have also found that knowledge is power so do some reading up on here.
You can post any questions you have on here, if you want to vent try writing a blog and if you want some company try our chat room.
Hi.....I am no expert but can share with you my quite recent experience of seeing a solicitor for a free consultation. I would agree with the previous post not to agree to anything until you have the right advice....as they say knowledge is power!! I got a lot of really helpful advice from the on-line guides on this site. I went to my solicitor armed with all the financial info I had: salaries, mortgage details, including outstanding debts on ours, saving accounts, ISA''s, pensions.....if you go with this info then you are able to have a useful initial consultation, saving you both time & money. I can''t remember for sure but I think I used a form E something which acted as my template for all the financial info!!
Your husband and my ex sound the same i to decided i had had enough i was very depressed the two years prior to making the decision.Ex would only give 50% and i had the 3 children full time he started taking money out the accounts and telling his friends lies about me.As for the children they will be ok the eldest is going to be angry at you because he is just worried about how his life will change but that will get better when the situation calms down.Listen to what the others say knowledge is power and this is so true when dealing with these type of men because i bet your husband has already looking at what he might have to give you that''s why he is such a hurry to finalise things.I would also get ready for the tantrums to start once he can''t get his own way if you get scared call the police.x
I think that you need to be cognizant of the difference in the mindset of the leaver vs the one being left.
Typically, the leaver (you in this case) is months if not years ahead of the one being left. This person has agonized over this in great depth and sees it as freeing and exciting. The person being left ha to catch up fast. This doesn''t always lead to the best most rational decisions (I know I did a few things I am not so proud of in the early days).
So, perhaps you can be patient with him as he catches up to this reality. Maybe he is a decent guy and will step up. Maybe he will decide to be the best father he can be and ensure that the financial split is as fair as possible. It can happen - so I hear.
Be patient and kind to yourself. I hope that you can move through this well and find the joy and passion you desire. I have found that this largely comes from within and there is certainly lots of writing that supports this.
Dear Canuck425, I''ve got to thank you for your comments as they hit the nail on the head so astutely and resonate with my experience.
I was the person who was left (she took our two kids too!) and I reckon I was atleast one year behind with how to deal with it! I made decisions very slowly because things seemed to be happening so quickly - things that had legal, financial, social and above all, emotional implications, that raised the risk of bad decisions! I was filled with a multiplicity of emotions, betrayal being the most severe.
It''s been 12 months now and I have gotten more accustomed to my new reality, and this is leading to better decisions and steadier emotions. It is worth the Leaver recognising that his/her partner would likely be going through this sort of curve and accepting that it is crucial for a healthier seperation, to allow both parties to be at the same place on the curve.
I was not given that opportuntity and it has led to all sorts of unintended negative consequences.
Diddydi, this point may not be so obvious but it is nevertheless an important one to appreciate!