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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


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10 Aug 12 #348697 by Red_Cat
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Hi folks :-)

Husband to a wife who is clinically depressed and started the menopause. She changed over a period of 6 months and has petitioned for divorce. We have two children, and that ''50 Shades'' book has seen who not only unravel, but sleep around and disown the children.

The best decision I ever made was staying in the house, despite her begging me to leave, and I nearly did. Now I am in one part of the house and she in the other, and the boys are living with me.

She won''t sell the house, fair enough, and in mediation she has shown she can buy me out. I get the impression there is a chap desperate not to sign another 6 months lease on a flat and wants to move in.

''Aint gonna happen mate.

I am here supporting my children in my home, and will fight until the end. The sad thing is that my wife is not discreet and not clever, and the Judge will bury her. That pain, I don''t want to be around.

We must have been really bad in previous lives, right?

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10 Aug 12 #348706 by sillywoman
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Unfortunately it doesn''t matter who did what in relation to sorting out the finances.

Courts are not interested - they are interested with the welfare of any children of the marriage and the parent who will be the main carer.

However, advice always is not to move out of the house until the finances are settled.

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11 Aug 12 #348716 by Red_Cat
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Thank you. You''re right. Everything is a smoke screen and with each day I realise it doesn''t matter who gets the sofa, or who did what,it''s about the boys. Good advice is to focus, focus, focus on the children, and NOT submit to any feelings at all. I learned to be frozen-hearted and look at facts. The process changes you and brings out either, all your best qualities, or worst, depending on who you are.

:-)

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11 Aug 12 #348907 by Canuck425
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Good advice is to focus, focus, focus on the children, and NOT submit to any feelings at all.

Hmmm, I don''t really agree with you there. I would say it is smartest to focus on you first. Put your own interests first and commit to taking care of yourself - physically and emotionally. Then you''ll be in much better shape to care for your kids.

I would also say that you need to recognize and understand your feelings. At this point they are probably pretty complex. Men, especially, are expert at tramping down feelings and soldiering on. I think this is a mistake. Take the time to feel sad, mad, scared, whatever. This is an awful process and you need to come through it emotionally fitter. You can do it but it takes a lot of work. That work is difficult and needs to be quite introspective.

Focus on you and your stuff. That would be my immediate advice.

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09 Sep 12 #354774 by Red_Cat
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Thanks - you''re right, this is a steep learning curve isn''t it? I''m finding a balance now.

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