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Hello, this is me

  • Progressor
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11 Aug 12 #348832 by Progressor
Topic started by Progressor
Hi all, just joined today, as I felt I needed some support from others going through or have gone through the same.

I have just been ambushed by letters from my wife''s solicitors threatening divorce and making horrible allegations, telling me to leave home and not come back or she will call the police. I am very angry at being used and manipulated and all the lies she is easily telling and getting the whole system to apparently support her with no truth on her side at all.

Anyway, I just wanted to say hi, it would be really nice to meet others and hopefully make some friends and support each other.

Thank you for reading.

  • Now Gone From Wiki
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11 Aug 12 #348841 by Now Gone From Wiki
Reply from Now Gone From Wiki
Hi Progressor

Welcome to Wiki and I am sorry you find yourself here.

Solicitors letters are designed to annoy you into doing something stupid, like leaving your home. They carry no weight in law and your wife can make as many allegations as she likes, it doesn''t mean they are true.

You must not, unless you absolutely have to, leave the home. If you are named on the mortgage you have a right to live there. She may launch a non-molestation and occupation order but unless there is a history of violence or abuse that can be verified it is unlikely the court will order you to leave.

You need to get yourself some help as well. If you wife is making allegations do not be alone with her.

First promise me you are not going to leave the house on the basis of a solicitors letter, next get a dictaphone and record EVERY conversation with your wife if she is still in the house.

Please say more about your situation and you will get even better advice than I can muster.

All the best at this awful time.

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11 Aug 12 #348843 by MrsSadness
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Yes, welcome to this site, and sorry you have need to be on here, but you are in the right place! I have found it of huge help: you will find much support on here from some very nice people. If I were you I would spend time researching back posts - pertaining to your situation albeit very early days, but ''knowledge is power'' after all! Now who said that, was it Descartes? I can''t remember! My grey cells are too saturated by divorce law at the mo having spent hundreds of hours on here ( and I am not exaggerating !) over the last few weeks, just trying to navigate myself around that huge thing called AR! Anyway, welcome, and take care.

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11 Aug 12 #348844 by Progressor
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Many thanks for the kind reply.

Well, what happened was she stormed out of the house a few weeks back, after another instance of me "abusing her" by pointing out that everything she says that me and my family are doing to abuse her is in fact no right. She grabbed the kids and stormed to her mothers. A few days later she said the kids need their bedrooms and space, can she come back, and can I move out for a couple of weeks and then when things are settled I come back.

As always i put the kids first and agreed, so i went to my brothers.

She asked me to delay coming back again and again, then I got the solicitors letter saying do not go back home, do not contact the kids, do not contact my wife. When I said I can go home when I like, they said she will call the police if i do, making allegations of past violence against me. The truth is that during the regular violence I suffered from her, once or twice it was so bad I had to defend myself. Somehow she recalls dates and times of two incidents she claimed I was violent towards her, claims she needed medical help (she did not) and claims she has already had cause to notify the police of her fears of violence from me. This is truly shocking to me.

So I have not gone home since, it has been about a month since that letter, because she will call the police.

Yet she has not begun divorce proceedings, I dont know why, but I cannot go home, cannot call or speak to my kids, she has banned them from accessing their emails, so I cannot even email them.

In my solicitors letters I am asking us to go to counselling to try to resolve issues.

Thank you

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11 Aug 12 #348846 by Progressor
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Thank you Mrs Sadness. I am sadly finding out more about AR, because my wife seems to think that if she can get everything she needs from me, then she can continue to live in our nice FMH without me, the kids continue their lives without me, she continues to drive her nice car (I drive a very old car myself, I do not mind) and that life will be perfect, just without me on the scene to point out to her that really, she (we) needs help.

She doesnt seem to see that separating kids from their doting father will not make up for having a nice house and car and private school. It is money and comforts first, then a stable and happy family second. I see it as the other way round.

Thank you again for your kind post.

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11 Aug 12 #348850 by MrsSadness
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As a victim of DV myself, you may find it helpful to also refer to other websites dedicated to this subject. You may find some solace and information therein. But, yes, from what you say you have a right to stay in the MH so don''t worry about that, for one.

As previous poster said, do not leave, no matter how bad it gets. And yes, unless you have been proven to have abused your children, in the past, and have to abide by court order NOT allowing you contact - as it stands given by what you have told us, you have a right to contact. This all sounds like bullying behaviour designed to make you leave the MH and using the kids as a lever.... Get yourself also on some DV sites as in Domestic Violence not Divorce, for you may find a great source of info in those. Ok, hope this helps.

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11 Aug 12 #348852 by Now Gone From Wiki
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Right, it is more complex than I thought. So you are out of the house without contact with the children.

If all you have at the moment is a solicitors letter it is not a court order. You are correct that if your name is on the deeds of the property (or the rent book if renting) then you have right of residence. However, if there is a risk of allegations you need to be careful about just turning up. Sorry but that goes beyond my knowledge of what to do apart from to say that someone will be along soon with better advice. You should also join Families Need Fathers and look up their McKenzie Friends if you can''t afford a solicitor. If you can afford a solicitor you will need to speak to them now.

In regards to your children you are entitled to contact. The reason probably why your wife hasn''t petitioned for divorce is because she would have to say what the statement of arrangements for the children would be ie what contact you will have. If you are being denied contact you can lodge a form C100 covering a Contact Order. It will cost £200 and if you haven''t seen your children for a month and you cannot communicate with your wife you can lodge it as an emergency application.

Do you have any welfare concerns for your children? For example, do you believe your children want to see you and that they are being prevented from doing so? If so, then you might also be able to get what is called an ''Abridged Notice of Service'' of 48 hours that basically brings your wife to court to discuss contact ASAP.

You should NOT reply to the solicitors letter apart from to deny all allegations. Simple one line answer.

If you have tried to contact your wife or anyone connected with her I would stop it now until you have contact sorted out.

I will say that launching a C100 is going to be an aggressive act that will probably have your wife retaliating with further allegations. REMEMBER - the court is used to hearing BS and that it doesn''t matter what she says until it is proven. Do not get flustered by solicitors letters. However, if she is refusing contact and will not communicate with you I can see no other way forward.

I am using a very good McKenzie Friend - it depends on where you are located but if you wanted me to give you his details drop me a PM (private message). At least he could provide some telephone advice and he is a fraction of the cost of a solicitor and has also been through the same crud that you are going through.

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