A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


I''m just me .... pleased to meet everyone

  • leanng
  • leanng's Avatar Posted by
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
11 Aug 12 #348857 by leanng
Topic started by leanng
Hi everyone

Just a quick introduction. Separated for 21 months, divorced for 1 year after a 24 year marriage / relationship. 3 kids aged 21, 17 and 15 whom all live with me permanently and whom have very little contact with my ex.. his choice.

My situation i think is pretty simple to sort... house sold (money held in a deposit account) and living in rented accommodation as ex will not agree a financial settlement.

After spending £6,000 in legal fees, £3000 deposit for rental property (naively thought it would be short term) my ex and his solicitor have parted company. i have been forced to put case in court.
All that needs deciding / agreeing is split of equity. Pension report has already been completed showing what split is required.
not interested in the money that he has syphoned off and hiding elsewhere.

i just want out!!

Anyone been in same situation which i believe is pretty simple? what was the outcome?? Any words of advice

  • leanng
  • leanng's Avatar Posted by
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
12 Aug 12 #349026 by leanng
Reply from leanng
This makes it look like i''ve had an easy time. I''ve not and maybe i should outline what i''ve gone through since i separated.

i asked my ex to leave after he came home one evening from work and threw a portable tv at me causing severe bruising. my son was sat at the side of me at the time. he then locked my son in the bathroom to try justify his actions. Police not involved as i had nowhere for my son to go and didnt want him to see his dad arrested.

told him to leave next day or i would take injunction out. he left two days later. from then on he has tried to make life difficult. I paid full mortgage for 19 months til house sold. have had to go to CSA for maintenance as he started messing about with money despite advice from his solicitors. Used to come into FMH everyday when i was at work, opening personal mail and going through house. July i decided to change locks as i no longer felt safe.
16 year old daughter was already going thru bad time in her life, wrong crowd etc.. when she decided to run away to her dads.

i never ever stopped contact. i wanted an contact order put in place but he wouldn''t agree to one possibly due to a new partner. he sees them approx once every two months for about an hour a time.

Anyway i''d had enough, booked holiday abroad with my son and left daughter and ex to it. Arrived back in country after two weeks at midnight. at 9am my daughter was home and has never gone back. contact minimal.

Sold house after threats, moved into rented. i now realise how poor advice from solicitor has been.

Ex will not come to an agreement unless i tell him my future intentions!!!!

anyway him and his solicitor have partied company so back to square one.

Decided to put into court myself and first appointment due Oct 2012.

Somehow althougth i think it should be easy to sort, don''t believe my ex will play ball.

But in all this, i have absolutely no regrets. It has taught my children a valuable lesson. they now realise what a good life they had / have and value each other so much more than they ever did. They are now extremely close.

  • eyes on horizon
  • eyes on horizon's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Aug 12 #349028 by eyes on horizon
Reply from eyes on horizon
Number 1

Your childen are probably too old for a contact order, but should be seeing dad more. I hope that you would encourgage this and I dont know your situation but do your best to remain nuetral when it comes to ''dad''. What you vent in your own time to your mates is 150% ok just ensure the children are not part of it. I have always thought that teens have a harder time with separation and divorce as they have their own minds but boy are they easily influenced.

As for the other bits its a bit vague to give halfway good advice on. Have you lodged AR at court? how much is left in the marital pot?
do you work? does he?

I think we need a lot more information.

  • leanng
  • leanng's Avatar Posted by
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
12 Aug 12 #349031 by leanng
Reply from leanng
AR put into court. First appointment October

I''ve always encouraged children to see their father but he sent a letter last July via solicitor saying he no longer wanted contact.

i would love a free weekend now and again but it never happened in my marriage so things really haven''t changed. long story but he was a very abusive, controlling man.

both work, always have.

i earn approx 24k
ex earns approx 40k (self employment income not declared)
CETV mine 90K
ex 252K
equity approx £200K

credit card debt approx £8k which is all legal and movin costs.

mediation attended last year but failed as ex was very aggressive towards me, would only agree to see youngest for 2 hours on a sunday and mediator refused to deal with him.

p.s. kids do not know where their father lives.. he has moved and is for some reason keeping it secret

  • sillywoman
  • sillywoman's Avatar
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
More
12 Aug 12 #349034 by sillywoman
Reply from sillywoman
Yep same here, my girls dad has dumped them for his new woman and her family. Very sad.

How much equity are you wanting?

  • leanng
  • leanng's Avatar Posted by
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
12 Aug 12 #349035 by leanng
Reply from leanng
i thought solicitors had come to a 60/40 split. but then him and his solicitor parted company.

  • sillywoman
  • sillywoman's Avatar
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
More
12 Aug 12 #349039 by sillywoman
Reply from sillywoman
Can you contact your ex direct? Surely he wants it sorting too?

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11