For the last two and half years my wife and I have barely spoken. She wants out, says it''s her , not me. I found out about her affair with a work colleague, tried to work through it but there is clearly nothing to work with.
We have two children and she wants a separation. This thought filled me with dread but I have finally agreed. We are going to try mediation for an amicable split. During the marriage I agreed to have a career break to care for our children. It made financial sense at the time. The break allowed my W to concentrate solidly on her career and now I am back in work her salary is triple that of mine. The only thing we can agree on is that we would like to co-parent but I feel like I am looking into an abyss.
How often will I see my kids? where will I live? and the possible/probable financial arrangements are just a source of constant distress and worry for me. Any words of encouragement or tips on what I should be doing would be most welcome.
Well, I think I''d say that first of all you need to decide whether you are definitely divorcing, or whether you want a trial separation to see how it works out. If you both think the marriage is at an end, then probably there is little to be gained by a separation, but it isn''t for me to tell you what to do.
Ideally you''d both need somewhere where you could have the children to stay. It is better if you can settle the childcare arrangements by agreement, perhaps, as you say, with the help of a mediator. The children may be old enough to express a view.
From what you say, if your wife is having an affair with a work colleague and earns three times as much as you do, that could have a bearing on the way the marital home is dealt with. She would be able to obtain a larger mortgage and therefore, unusually, may come away with a smaller share in the marital home then yours. There have been cases, notably McFarlane v McFarlane, where the wife has given up a career to care for the children and this was reflected in the subsequent settlement. Although I''ve never come across a case where it worked the other way, there is no reason in theory why it couldn''t.
You may find it useful to have a look at two papers I prepared with this sort of situation in mind and I have attached them.
Attachment Housing_wiki_options-33d84837a08347517d024f263a571768.doc not found
Thanks for these. It''s a no going back situation, divorce is inevitable I feel.
I think I have just been too ''nice'', and I don''t want lose everything. Seeing a solicitor tomorrow for initial advice and then mediation. Just want a fair deal like everyone else who finds themselves in this position.