Hi everyone, I would appreciate some advice if possible please!
I have been married for 10+ years, and I am still living with my wife and 2 children both of which are 10 years old or less. My wife and I have come to an amicable decision that things are no longer working and hence we need to look at a separation. I am very willing to provide what ever financial support is required for my children, as they are the motivation for me going to work every day. However I don''t want to make a ''rod for my own back'' in terms of future financial support for my wife.
Fortunately we are not saddled with debt and we only have about 15% of our mortgage remaining to pay. My wife’s income wouldn’t be sufficient for her to pay the remaining monthly mortgage payments on her own as well as the general running costs of the house on her own, and hence my financial support will be needed/demanded. I am a realist in that it will be myself who has to move out of the house eventually, however I want to do everything right, and in the right order so that I don’t create future burdens or headache
I don’t think that counseling is the right option for us, as frankly speaking I feel it will falsely delay the inevitable, and we both want to move on with out lives ASAP. Hence my question is, what is the correct first move for me to make?
Some have suggested to me that the first stage is to engage a solicitor and put a financial settlement in place to share out savings, ISA’s and other funds. Others have suggested that I should move out first and rent as big a house/apartment as I can afford and hence there would be limitations of what my wife could expect from my remaining income…and then sort out financial issues!
So from your experiences, knowledge and know how of the law…I would appreciate your advice about what to do next?
Dont know a lot about he finacial side of things but would just say remember you will need a house that your children will be comftable in and big enough if they stay over.
Also something that you can afford as alot of poeple get court up in the money side and dont think about what the child/ren will need as even though at the moment things are amicable this can change.I agree that a nrp finacial commitment should stop with the children and not the rp,but this is just my opinion.good luck
Welcome to wiki, but sorry you find yourself here.
The usual advice is not to move out of the FMH until after the financial side of things is settled and the concent order is signed off, this usually happens after the Nisi has been granted.
Don''t be in a rush to solicitors, they can cost a fortune and although sometimes they are necessary, the more you can agree yourselves the better. You should take steps to protect your respective financial positions, so for example register a marital dispute with the mortgage lender to stop either one of you taking out a larger loan etc. In addition you should contact any banks etc where joint savings accounts are held and ensure that two signatiures are required for withdrawls.
You are going to have some responsibilities regarding your children, for 2 children that would be 20% of your net pay, less an allowance for the nights you have the children.
If you move out (as said not recommended) you should ensure that it is to a property that is of suitable size to allow you to have the children overnight.
The reason behind the advice not to move out is that once you move out you could well end up paying the bills, mortgage and your rent while your s2bx sits in a house with all bills paid and no incentive to move the financial side forward.
Its a good idea to have an open and honest discussion about what assets you have individually and jointly and also what you each need going forward. From there you can start to work out how these assets could be divided to meet those respective needs.
You will need a solicitor to write up a concent order, but that isn''t necessarily costly thing to do (see links for the fixed price wiki service to the right). Some level of financial disclosure is going to be required either via form E or the much simpler D81.
You have children so their welfare is going to be the No1 priority when looking at the financial side, it may well be that your s2bx will come away with better than a 50:50 split.
Well I set the ball rolling today by going for a quick free consultation with the solicitor. I learned a lot of new things in a very short time.
The basic financial matters (Earnings, savings, current accounts, mortgage and debts) were as you''d expect discussed. Likewise in regards to our children and key assets such as the FMH and family car etc.
The bit that surprised me was in regards to both mine and my STBX''s future earning potential and hence the amount of support my STBX will or won''t potentially be entitled to.
I can foresee a future stage of mediation on the horizon in order to gather facts and details before getting our respective solicitors to draft proposals and agreements. It is then a matter of whether we drive matters towards a legal separation or crack on with it and push for divorce.
When you say "legal separation" do you mean ''judicial separation'' or something else? The former is usually a pre-cursor to divorce (lots of JS petitions end up as divorce petitions) and the latter has no legal standing.
If you want to draw a line under finances you need a divorce and a final ancillary relief/financial remedy order.