Help me..........please?

Hi, my names Rich and iv just come out of a very controlling and abusive relationship.You may have the picture of some shy guy thats been pushed around but as im sure many other men out there, it is simply impossible to explain how and why i fell in the trap.......many reason.
I have basically wanted to leave my wife for a long time and she knew it.My kids were the main reason along with the threat and consenquences of a vindictive insecure wife. i may sound bitter and angry but these really are the reasons how i have been driven to almost insanity.I probably sound very extreme here, but i dont feel like anyone can relate to some of the stuff i have had to go through in my day to day life, the only comfort i get is to talk to fellow men who have experienced what its like to be falsely accused, had all savings taken and no place to live all under the name of `civil law` im not abusive person and would love to share some stuff with non violent fathers only.

rich

Hello Rich,

I just wanted to say that I can relate to what you are going through, although I am a woman. I don''t deny for one minute that men can be victims of abuse as much as women.

I''m so sorry that you have found yourself in this situation, nobody deserves this treatment off someone who is supposed to love them.

Putting my own situation to one side for the minute I would like to say that there has been a situation in my family (brother) whereby he was falsely accused of abusive behaviour, it destroyed him. He went to court for battery, he was in an impossible situation. If he plead not guilty the case would drag on (with no legal aid) meaning he couldn''t see his kids until it was sorted or his other option was to plead guilty so that the case was over and he could see his kids again. He plead guilty to something he didn''t do!!! I hate to think of someone else going through the same.

I just wanted you to know that you have been heard and believed. Please reach out to the professionals, I know there is a group for men (like Womens Aid) that are vitims of abuse (it doesn''t have to be physical, it can be mental, financial, emotional and sexual too). They could help you so much and help to point in the right direction.

Don''t give up, you are stronger than you think. Your children need you in their lives and remember, they won''t be children forever.

Davey x

One more thing Rich,

I have no faith in the police anymore, they let my brother down horrendously (falsifying statements, treating him badly when he was detained, the list could go on). I would like to post the whole sad story, but like you and your situation most people wouldn''t believe it.

Keep your chin up Rich, hang in there because it will all come right eventually.

Davey x

Hi and welcome Rich

as a man who was forced out the marital home nearly a year ago by my wife and hasn''t set foot back in it since, nor managed to speak to my wife since either to resolve our financial issues I can relate to what you are saying.

The police are only interested in avoiding breaches of the peace and as such can be easily manipulated: sadly a woman''s complaint of harrassment etc is more often than not believed...

And issues like car ownership are ignored as ''civil matters'', even with a county court order! You couldn''t make it up...

Hi guys, thanks for such a quick responce. yeah i feel it will get messy! she constantly tested my commintment by saying i had to leave but then sending sorry texts. she would threaten to kill herself if i ever left and a few months back i tiold her how i cannot continue in a marriage if i dont have any security. i work dam hard and although im 25 i feel like her parent.her mum is controlling ion her and screams and humilliates me by mocking me about intimate and embarrasing things i have shared with my wife and iv hadf a complete breakdown.her mum would just walk into our home and i felt i had to be loyal for my wife going through pnd but i realised that she actually gets satisfaction in seeng me in pain. My children are young and my wife would scream and hide my car keys so i was late for work, she would accuse me of things she was doing but then tell people it was me.....i felt like iv been in a cult in which i just do s she sais. Iv recently found out she actually left her past husband fior me (i would have never got involved) she is 26 and on 2 divorces. Compulsive spending.......all sort, im rock bottom, i cannot cope, i have 2 properties and she has changed the locks on the house, taken 8k out of joint account. not let me see the kids and im living 150 miles away commuting to london to work living out of the back of the car.I cant afford the solicitor fees, i dont have the heart to kick out a lady and child in the home i rent out all because she cant accept that she drove me away.she wopuld leave the kids in the house on there own and i could never escape her.....she knew i would always go back for the kids and feared reporting her because of social services.She would say if i loved her, i would have a vesectomy or put the other house in her name.....i was such a mug!

sorry, ive just read my post, i havnt really made an effort in grammer and spelling.I think im just blurting it all out on my phone at work.....

Hi Rich,

She sounds an Absolute nightmare! I would strongly recommend you give ManKind a call, it''s a support group for men that are suffering abuse (all kinds). They will advise you on your rights (and you do have them you know), they can advise you on what and what not to do in your situation (being falsely accused). You have nothing to lose but everything to gain.
It''s clear she has you spinning, you can stop this merry-go-round that she has put you on.

Ring round for a solicitor that offers the 30 minutes free advice. You will need to get one eventually, for heavens sake don''t self rep to save money, she will take you to the cleaners. Make sure you have all your details ready before the appointment ie; ages marriage length, income, properties etc, it will save time.

I also suggest you pay your GP a visit, explain the situation and see what they suggest, at least it will be documented should you need it in the future.

You don''t have to put up with this, she is blackmailing you. It is very unlikely that she would carry out her threat of suicide, I mean, is she not thinking of her kids when she is making these callous threats?!

Try to keep calm, don''t give her any ammunition by getting angry. Get some professional advice, once you know your rights you will feel stronger and more able to cope with this.

Davey x