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Don''t know which way to jump

  • rocketkirk
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23 Aug 12 #351424 by rocketkirk
Topic started by rocketkirk
I travel a lot in my work and on a recent trip overseas I met another woman. We got along very well.


I am scared, basically. Scared of what the other side holds.

Most every day I wake up and this woman pops into my head. Then my son and my wife pop into my head. My wife hasn''t really done anything wrong - just the usual ''grown apart'' thing I suppose. Physically she is still very attractive to me, I just feel that the spark has gone and I don''t know if I can get it back, or even if I want it back.

Financially I have every intention of supporting both my wife and my son were I to leave. That aspect of things is not really an issue. It''s just that I don''t know anyone else in this boat so I guess I am just reaching out for thoughts and opinions.

  • Munchbunch
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23 Aug 12 #351432 by Munchbunch
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My thoughts are if you want to leave your wife, leave her. If you don''t know or aren''t sure, tell her and try and work at it (I don''t mean about the affair-that''s your call, I would but that''s another discussion-I mean about how unhappy you are).
I would not recommend basing a life changing decision on an imagined life with a woman you had a fling with. Because the life you will be leading post marriage will not be the one in your head. It could be better, it could be worse, but one thing is for certain it definately won''t be the one you are dreaming of.

  • Enuff Already
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23 Aug 12 #351436 by Enuff Already
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If in doubt ......... DON''T!!!!

You have a wife who you say hasn''t really done anything wrong and who you still find attractive, a son you love. You have had an indescretion which has woken you up.. but all is not lost. You can work at this marriage if you wanted to and try again, marriage counselling, find that spark and relight it.

Can you walk away and not regret a last attempt to salvage your marriage. The grass isn''t always greener on the other side mate.

Before you decide anything ...just read a few posts on here to gauge what the fallout of your actions might be for you, your wife and your son if you go ahead and call it a day... (and throw in the possibility that she finds out about the indescretion in the mix and you have a timebomb waiting int he wings).

  • rocketkirk
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23 Aug 12 #351440 by rocketkirk
Reply from rocketkirk

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23 Aug 12 #351451 by Action
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Hi rocketkirk

From personal experience I would recommend talking to your wife and telling her how you feel. I am afraid your post touched a very raw nerve as my ex husband used to travel overseas regularly and was smitten by an oriental woman who appeared to ''light his fire''. Sadly, he didn''t tell me that he wasn''t happy and I found out about this woman before he had the decency to be honest. 31 years of marriage gone in the blink of an eye. The consequences of this being me suffering from serious anxiety and depression as well as a complete loss of self-esteem. I may not have been the perfect wife but I did not deserve to be treated in this cowardly way. Nothing has come of the relationship with the OW even though he did go back to see her shortly after we split. I knew it wouldn''t though - after all, what sort of woman asks for money towards her Mother''s surgery within weeks of knowing someone? LOL

I think that merely jetting off is cruel and cowardly. Sorry to be so honest, but having been on the receiving end, I just don''t like to think of anyone having to endure what I have over the last 18 months, and that''s without dependant children.

  • Canuck425
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23 Aug 12 #351455 by Canuck425
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something is clearly wrong or it wouldn''t have happened in the first place.

I don''t quite buy that logic. You''re a mammal and a male one. You''re programmed to want to sleep with loads of beautiful women. That''s just biology. You acted on it, finally. I think it has very little to do with the state of your marriage.

Now - what do you do? You have to realize that you''re currently in the "affair bubble". Loads of us on this site have been on the other side, including me. I saw my wife in the affair bubble and it was crazy. You''re there now. So, your judgement is a bit clouded and you''re thinking that life if you left would be awesome. You''re also rewriting the history of your marriage. It looks a little bleaker a little worse than it really was. You''re having trouble remembering the good times well.

Can you shake that fog? Can you look your wife in the eye and tell her, with passion, that you want to build a new and awesome life together? Can you tell her that your marriage is dead? It''s dead and gone and you want to see what you can build together?

You should be scared at both prospects. The prospect of leaving and the prospect of staying.

What kind of man are you? What kind of life do you want? How are you going to get there?

The future is not yet written and you have a huge say in what will happen.

Good luck!

  • rocketkirk
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23 Aug 12 #351457 by rocketkirk
Reply from rocketkirk
My wife knows how I feel;. She even knows about the OW and is still here. For her part, the OW has stayed well out of it and is leaving me to decide what to do. She may not even still be interested, but as I say I don''t think that matters.

Not sure I''m in the "affair bubble"? I might be. I''ve been around long enough to realise that the grass is rarely greener on the other side, and I''m trying to keep the OW out of it and deal with it impartially. .

I am most definitely scared of both prospects or I would have done one or the other by now I expect.

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