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Threatened, frightened but still functioning,

  • cathyj
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27 Aug 12 #352142 by cathyj
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I have been married for 11 years, a second marriage following one of abuse which lasted 19 years. I have 2 children by the first, had a step daughter living with me for 12 years now 18 and moved out and an 11 year old this time around. My husband was very controlling, using threats of violence including killing my elderly parents by burning their house down while sleeping, cutting up one of my sons and having pleasure pulling out his guts, he has hit and head butted me in front of our daughter. There are several personalities and pseudonyms, he didn''t work preferring to stay home on his laptop smoking 50 ciggys and smoking weed which in the most part i paid for apart from the odd gardening job when i got fed up. The name calling was relentless and When I was diagnosed with breast cancer several names got added. About 3 weeks ago he expressed great regret for his behavior and wanted to make it all right, mainly by going to bed,I said no way and a week later he left taking some cloths with him and a few days after that the rest of his things, I felt a deep sense of loss and abandonment, everyone else was elated. Then the mobile bills came in of over £300 with a block on the land line and it seems there is another victim ripe for the picking. I had no knowledge of where he is but yesterday a withheld number and his voice requesting a convenient time to collect some more things, I don''t know what things? we have a shed full of gardening tools I paid for and could use on my overgrown garden and some photography lights I paid for, a joint venture which never got off the ground. Im afraid of having him near the house and his daughter is afraid too, i have found out that while I was working she took several hits and was ordered to vacumn and tidy up while he watched, do I have to let him in to go though my things? our Daughter is asking me to obtain an order so she doesn''t have to see him, can she do that even if we dont know where he is?

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27 Aug 12 #352175 by Elphie
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Didn''t wanna leave you unanswered, but rest assured someone more experienced will come along soon to answer all your questions.
You need to go and see a solisitor, at the very least for initial advise. You can get an occupancy order which will prevent him from moving back in with you. You can get a non-molestation order to stop his harassment of you, I think this will prevent him from coming to your home and taking things. You can get both in an emergency, quickly and without informing him, but I forget what the proper term is for this. Your step daughter is 18, so I believe she would need to get a non-molestation order against him in her own right. But as I say, I''m sure someone will answer soon to fill in my missing gaps.

You must be going through a difficult time at the moment, but be strong, things will only get better from here.

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27 Aug 12 #352176 by Elphie
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Sorry, double posted

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27 Aug 12 #352188 by cathyj
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Thank you very much for the reply, I have one divorce with non-molestation orders and the total bill inclusive against my house is in the region of £9000.00 so wanted to keep to a limit with solicitors although I am feeling very scared at the moment, this husband is very litigious with his own first divorce costing tax payers £60,000, 51 years old with no long term job ever and no capital. The daughter who is asking for an order is 11

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27 Aug 12 #352191 by Elphie
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Ah, ok I thought it was the 18 year old, your step daughter, who wanted the order. I think the non-molestation order for yourself would cover her, but if you gave an ord from your first marriage you probably know more than me. Can you afford the non-molestation and Occupancy orders and then consider the divorce / financial aspect later, as I''m sure the finance & divorce proceedings are what cost more last time. Any chance he''ll have second thoughts about court due to his previous experience? Ringing ss about your concerns might help, they might even being able to take action to protect your daughter on your behalf.

Hopefully soul ruler will be along soon, she has had a huge amount of experience in self- repping against her highly litigious ex, in dv case and I''ve no doubt will be able to advise you further.

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