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Hi to all and my story so far

  • fatlad1996
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01 Sep 12 #353299 by fatlad1996
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Hi ,
This is such a great board and I''ve really enjoyed reading the advice. So heres my story , so far at least !!

I''ve been in a 14 year relationship and got married just over a year ago. I worshipped my family and worked extremely hard to give them all a good life style. I loved my wife and treated her like a princess. I''m far from perfect , but I know deep down , I''ve been a good husband and father.


Anyway , I spend 40k on her dream wedding and we then go off on our honey moon. We come back and within 6 weeks she starts an affair with her personal trainer . ( he is married with kids as well). This goes on for about 8 months and they are meeting twice a week for sex in hotels. She starts all the " I want space stuff" and "Im confused" ETC. So being the man I am and because I love my wife ,I accept that and think I can help her find her self again, and she will feel better and come home.

So I get her a flat , furnish it for her ETC.She is still living out of my pocket ( Car , phone , clothes , hair, nails ETC. Little did I know she just wanted a love nest.

1 day I listen to her voice mail and it all comes out , I''m devastated . She begs me to forgive her and we try to find a way to work through this . We speak to relate and set up a meeting the next week . She carried on seeing the guy and I caught her out a second time within days.
So rightly I walk away while she is begging me to forgive her. I go away for a few weeks to try and sort my head out but we stay in touch by text and I cant let go of her and come back to try again.

The affair is now over because I met the guy and had words and he did not want the hassle and he deffo did not want his wife to find out.

Basically the next 3 months is me bending over to keep my wife , offering her counselling and all the help under the sun because it turns out she has started drinking alot as well and smoking weed and snorting coke !!! I fooled myself that she has got her self in a hole , that she''s mentally ill ETC , anything but face the truth , IE she has changed and is just not a nice person any more :-(.

For the last month our 5 year old daughter has been with me full time , while my ex is out drinking , snorting and shagging men. She has gone into full on melt down and TBH it is breaking my heart to watch it.

Every couple of weeks when she is low or on a come down she will knock on my door at 5am , drunk and stoned (once covered in blood) and beg me to let her in. Every time I have , but no more !!

The whole process has felt like torture , and I have struggled at times. I am home tonight with my daughter , after taking her out swimming today and for lunch. she is bathed and in a warm bed while my ex is out drinking , snorting coke and being a wreak head.

If it is true and the only way to grow is through pain , then ***** me Ive gone a lot this year :laugh:


But on the positive , I have taken up some old hobbies again and I an getting down the gym and I am doing the right things to nurture myself and I am focusing on my kids .

I know I will live and love again and I cant quite see the light at the end of the tunnel yet , but I know its only round the corner .

Thanks for listening and I hope it wasnt too much of a rant B)

  • leanng
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01 Sep 12 #353308 by leanng
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Rant all you like. this is what this site is for.

you sound like you have turned a corner... good on you.. keep it up. we''ll all get there in the end i''m sure.

  • MrsSadness
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02 Sep 12 #353343 by MrsSadness
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Dear fatlad:

I am sorry to hear of your situation and the obvious pain you must be in. A lot of us on here are are in the same boat, as it were, dealing with the rawness, or at different stages of our journey, but for now, you will find huge support on here - this is a fantastic site. As previous poster said, you can rant all you like, and say what you like, and I am sure you will find the site extremely supportive.

Welcome to Wiki, just sorry about the circumstances that brought you here. But anyway.... take care, bye

  • fatlad1996
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02 Sep 12 #353363 by fatlad1996
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Thank you both for your kind words

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