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shocked and scared

  • reiki3
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01 Sep 12 #353300 by reiki3
Topic started by reiki3
Hi, so pleased to have found this site...
My husband of 15 years has told me today that he wants a divorce. All this came about as i didn''t want him to go out with his mates again as the kids were misbehaving and i''m sick. He is controlling and doesn''t like it if i ask for anything and the kids, me and the house are supposed to be perfect, and if for example i tell the children not to do something it is my failing etc...he is always putting me down, and making me feel worthless, he has a good job, and i gave up my career to move here (small village) but work part time and look after our children, but he says i am a princess an d worthless. i am so stressed i am not explaining myself clearly, sorry. He is sleeping downstairs tonight and leaving tomorrow, I have £0 in my bank account and dont know what to do about that. Also my son is due to start junior school this week and really doesnt need the stress. what do i tell the children, he has said to them that mummy is useless and grumpy so he is leaving... i have so much in my head, i am sad because i love him and thought he loved me, worried about my children, and also keeping a roof over their heads etc...he is an IT contract worker, paid through his company and i know he will hide money as he resents paying for me as it is. He also has bipolar and is off meds. If he wants to go obvioulsy i have to respect that, but he wont speak to me about anything, except to tell me it is my fault and i am useless and evil, which is a recurring theme of the last couple of years. he was out last weekend and didnt come home, he seems to absolutely hate me, but what hurts most is when he says i don''t care about our children, and that he is better with them, when he ignores them and shouts if they dont act as he wishes. So sorry for rambling.

Cx

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01 Sep 12 #353310 by survive
Reply from survive
Firstly ((coselie)). You must be feeling totally shell shocked at the moment.

Welcome to wiki, you have come to a really good site for support and comfort, both on the emotional front and practical issues too.

For now, just use the site to either chat, blog or whatever you feel like. This will be a rollercoaster of emotions, but initially... shock.

Take care of you, eat, try and sleep, and don''t rush into any decisions.

Keep talking and try and get some support from friends and family if you can

Take Care

Survive

  • Elphie
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02 Sep 12 #353322 by Elphie
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Tbh it sounds as if he is emotionally and financially abusing you. My stbx often used to threaten to divorce me when I disagreed with him over silly little things.
I suspect he will come back to you when he is ready, when he feels you''ve had long enough to be so scared of losing him that you won''t protest next time you are ill and he still wants to go out on the piss with his mates.

Have a read on here, knowledge is power as they say, and maybe if you know a little more about where you would stand if you did divorce you might feel a bit more confident next time he threatens it, also, read around www.womensaid.org.uk/ and also google "the freedom project" these websites might help you decide for yourself if the way he is treating you amounts to emotional and financial abuse.

Whatever happens, I hope things get better for you and your childcare xx

  • MrsSadness
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02 Sep 12 #353337 by MrsSadness
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Dear Cosellie:

I can reiterate what other posters have said: this is a brilliant site to find solace and support, and eventually knowledge! I am so glad the expression ''knowledge is power'' that I coined - well, I didn''t: it was Descartes I think, but I used it on here and I am so pleased it has been taken in by so many others as an inspirational emotional tool! Knowlege is indeed power, but at the mo, you may be in shock.... it will all take time. But time is a great healer, another adage, but oh soooo true....

As others have said, use this site, get support from here. This is a fantastic site, and I really don''t know what I would have done without it over the last couple of months! So, just look after yourself and the kids, and take the time to recover from your initial shock. Anyway, you are in the right place, in here, I mean! Take care and keep posting! It all helps, you know! Bye for now.
Mrs S and big hug

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