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separated and miserable

  • mandyDoc
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02 Sep 12 #353403 by mandyDoc
Topic started by mandyDoc
hi my name is Mandy I am originally from the UK but have lved abroad away from my roots for 29 years. My husband left me after cheating on me numerous times until I coudn''t stand it any longer the humiliation the lonliness the anger. Despite that I begged him numerous times because of the fear of living life with four kids and no family. Of course his familu completelyh took his side and said he is "entitled" to be happy so I have no contat with them. I have survived complete and utter lonliness depression adn fear and today I am a lot stronger adn WANT MY MONEY I have no rekationship with him or his family and sometimes well a lot of the time feel very lonely but I try to stay pozitive his GF works in his office and he portrays the picure of being happy but in my heart I wish him misery like he gave me and know he will soon have it

  • LittleMrMike
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04 Sep 12 #353692 by LittleMrMike
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Mandy,
I see you have not had a reply. I suspect I know why.
I wanted to write to you, as gently as possible, to make one or two comments.
Divorce is a nasty business and most people who post on this forum have first hand experience of it, myself included. The breakdown of a marriage is always a difficult and traumatic event for those involved in it. Under these circumstances, it is natural that you should experience feelings like bitterness, hurt and resentment.
Wiki is a good place to ventilate emotions such as this, and to share experiences. I don''t consider myself to be the Marje Proops of wikivorce, my main area of interest is matrimonial finance.
Most people undergoing divorce finish up, hopefully wiser, and in many cases, poorer. It is almost inevitable that divorce will involve a diminution in lifestyle, except possibly for the mega rich.
However, matters such as division of assets and post-divorce maintenance, are not intended as a punishment or retribution for marital misconduct. It can sometimes be hard for people going through divorce to understand that conduct is almost invariably disregarded when settling the finances. The object is to make sure, as far as possible, that the assets of the partnership are divided in as fair a manner as possible and to ensure that both parties make the transition to independence on an equal footing. This is not always achieved or even achievable, but that is the idea.
What worries me is your statement that you wish him misery. Well, I don''t suppose your x2b will be overjoyed at the idea of losing some of his assets or having to pay maintenance, or whatever the outcome might be ; few people are - but you are entitled to your fair share of the fruits of the partnership and there is no need at all to be apologetic about wanting that.
But post divorce financial settlement is about fairness. The reason I give my time on wiki without any thought or expectation of payment is to offer a helping hand to people who are enmeshed in a situation, maybe not of their making, and who need professional advice and cannot afford it. But I am definitely not in the business of revenge, and I know that almost all wikivorcers would agree with me on that.
I know and appreciate you are under stress, which is understandable, and you may have said something without really meaning it. I am willing to offer you what help I can on the financial side ; but the needs of your x2b have to be considered too, it''s all a matter of balance.
LMM

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05 Sep 12 #353872 by mandyDoc
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yaou]===
are u a man?

  • hadenoughnow
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05 Sep 12 #353881 by hadenoughnow
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I don''t think LMM''s gender has any relevance. He has given straightforward advice about how finances work on divorce and offered to assist further.

On this site you will find both men and women who have experienced exactly the emotions and practical difficulties you are facing. If you want to get those feelings out, you could consider writing a blog perhaps? Many have found that helpful.

In the meantime you can get sound practical advice about the finances from valued posters like LMM. It can save you a fortune because using the finances to try to wreak revenge can cost 1000s in legal fees and achieve nothing. A judge will only be interested in what you have and what you need. They really don''t give a flying fig about who left who or why.

Hadenoughnow

  • MrsSadness
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05 Sep 12 #353896 by MrsSadness
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I rarely venture into the realms of potential controversy, but felt so strongly about this Post and the rather ungrateful response of the OP, I have even come out of my self-imposed hidden status on here to defend LMM.

Mandy - you are aware that people on here give of their time freely and with good will. Posters such as LMM are very well-respected on here and as Had Enough just said - give excellent advice that can save those in help a great deal of money.

A thank you for a well-considered and wise post from LMM may have been a more appropriate response, rather than what I consider to be rudeness and ungratitude.

There, I have had my say, but you may wish to change your attitude for your own sake.
I should imagine other Wikis may well also have their own responses to make to your Post. Goodbye.

  • dukey
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05 Sep 12 #353900 by dukey
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Mandy is very new, and probably rather down and sensitive given her circumstances, lets face it most of us have lived through much the same.

Don`t worry too much about Sir Mike he is after all the an old war horse, in fact if i were to jump on a train wend my way to his humble abode and beat him repeatedly over the head with my donker stick i`m quite sure he will leave me with a cutting comment that will take me three days to fully understand.

Mandy as the other have said right or wrong courts judges rarely if ever consider conduct, its a cold process and all about numbers and facts, knowledge is power in this game, listen and learn from those that know.

  • MrsSadness
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05 Sep 12 #353906 by MrsSadness
Reply from MrsSadness
Lol, Dukey: you do have a great sense of humour, may I say! Yes, fully appreciate Mandie is new and feeling raw, but I think I had better shut up! LOL! Must have got out of bed the wrong way! ha, ha!

Thanks for all your imput along with all the most respected Wikis on here: often I have stumbled across back posts, and have to say, you have raised a smile on my (often) tear-stained face with your humour! Cheers, back over to Mandie: her post after all....''tis only Wiki etiquette, is it not?

Thanks again, Dukey - my first laugh of the day!

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