A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Hi all. No idea what the future holds!

  • Marshy_
  • Marshy_'s Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
08 Sep 12 #354617 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Hi confusedmonkey.

A lot of the questions you ask, we all ask. I asked the same thing all that time ago. And I understand your fears. I had those exact same fears.

I just want to start off saying this. Often, we fear the worst. What will become of me. When I ever see the kids again. How will I cope in bedsit land. Will I be able to survive. And so on and so on.

Thing is, not all that we fear comes true. Most of it doesnt happen. When I seperated, I was 51. Now I am 57. None of the things I feared happened. But of course, this doesnt help you a lot. If I can give you one piece of marshy advice, try not to be fearful. Put these things out of your mind. What will be will be. But it wont be as bad as you think it will. And it will be ok. Wish I had a quid for everytime I said that and it was true.

Next. You are in the pasenger seat on this one. Someone else is driving this journey. And you just have to sit back and see where you end up. Dont be cheerful. Dont be down. Just wait and see. It could all end. It could all be saved. But dont do anything. Dont try and save it. Dont try and nudge it off the edge. Just be that pasenger. Listen. Process. Think. Then act.

I know you think that its all over. And that your life is over. And for sure divorce is not good. But divorce is not the end of something. Its the start of something. And when people say, one door closes, another opens, they are being truthful. Honestly, life is not bad on the other side of all this.

So just chill out. Sit back and see where this ride takes you. But keep talking to us. It helps. C.

  • confusedmonkey
  • confusedmonkey's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
10 Sep 12 #354988 by confusedmonkey
Reply from confusedmonkey
Thanks for your kind words. It helps, even if it is only for a moment!

It''s true that I am expecting the worst, and whilst I keep telling myself something will work out I just can''t see it.

Things have progressed a little. The marriage is now definitely over and I''ve already accepted that and honestly wouldn''t want to patch it up any more. I think I realised a lot in my week of hell. It was the worst week in my life, easily, and a lot of truths about our relationship became apparent to me.

So now comes the next bit of the journey. And that terrifies me even more. I keep doing the maths in my head and can''t see it working out in any other way than my stbx keeps the house to home the children and I have to pay for that - leaving me very little for living, let alone starting again. Nothing to allow me to have the children stay with me.

She says she wants to be fair and she won''t leave me out on my own, but my heart just can''t accept that at the moment.

I wish we''d never met, I wish we''d never had the chance to have children. There, I said it. Doesn''t make me feel better, but I said it. I love them, I really do, but that''s what is causing me so much pain.

Sorry for being so negative. I know it''s not helping me, but the moment I try and think ''what if it does work out'' I just collapse in to a sea of hopelessness again. That anxious, tightened chest feeling just won''t leave me even for a minute.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11