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Advice Please

  • Bernie1888
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05 Sep 12 #353876 by Bernie1888
Topic started by Bernie1888
Please can u give me some advice please, i am just married over a year ago and for the past few months its been hell living with my husband, to let u understand when he has a drink he does not know when to stop sometimes he drinks almost 20 cans off beer/cider and in the past few months his tempers has been vry bad that now he is using his fists, he has been punching doors that they end up damaged that i was at the other side of the door that a dart board fell off and hurted my head, he his thrown huge chairs about the place and smashed things too he also got hold of computer monitor and threw it that i tried to hide myself from getting seriously hurted that my hand was hurted, he has been telephoning the police himself that today when i went back to get some more of my stuff that he accused me of stealing his bank card to pay a deposit for a holiday which is untrue and i have had that confirmed by the hotel that it was him he has tried to get the deposit back and was told that because he cancelled the holiday that u lose the deposit that he became violent and abusive towards the lady, he has also been calling my family & friends during the night and making very sickening calls, i have got a contract mobile under his name and i pay him every month to which i have already paid and he made the police take it back from me but still took the money from me please can anyone help me and give me some advice i am desperate don''t know what to do.

  • flowerofscotland
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05 Sep 12 #353877 by flowerofscotland
Reply from flowerofscotland
Hi Bernie1888,

Hello and a warm welcome to Wiki, a place of real comfort in your time of need.

It sounds as if your husband has a real anger management problem and there is only one thing for it....get out quick. Zero tolerance towards any form of domestic violence, that includes mental and physical abuse. Do not put up with this, because if there is alcohol involved, unless he wants to help himself by recognising he has a problem, then you are in for a lifetime of this hell.

A year is very short, compared to many marriages on Wiki, although I am sure still very heartbreaking non the less, you have a lifetime to re-build your future. Do not leave it too late, for one day it might be if you continue to put up with this from him. There is absolutely no excuse for any form of this type of abuse or violence.

Please think sensibly, this is his problem and unfortunately unless he is going to change, then these behaviours will continue, do not allow yourself to be a love punch bag for anyone, and remember a leopard never changes its spots.

Take care for now FoS x

  • rubytuesday
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05 Sep 12 #353889 by rubytuesday
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Welcome to Wikivorce, Bernie, Im sorry you have a need to be here.

This is an intolerable situation for you, and no one should have to live in fear of violence and abuse in their own home. There are two options regarding you staying in the house - either you leave and seek a place of safety or you can take legal steps to have your husband removed from the house (or do both, with a view to being able to return to your home safely):

Matrimonial Interdict, under Section 14 of the matrimonial homes (Scotland) Act 1981, with a Power Of Arrest attached to the interdict.

This Interdict would not only prevent your husband from entering the family home, but could also extend to your place of work, as well as a specified area around the family home. However, you would need to make sure that you have also applied for the Exclusion Order (as detailed below) as the Court is prohibited from granting a Matrimonial Interdict which would prevent the named spouse from entering , or remaining in, the family home unless an exclusion Order is sought in conjunction as the Matrimonial Interdict.

The Court must attach a power of arrest on application.


Interim Exclusion Order under Section 4 ofthe matrimonial homes (Scotland) Act 1981. This would mean that your husband would have to be excluded from living in the family home.Even if you have left the home, you can obtain an IEO to allow you to return home safely. You would need to demonstrate that that the Order is necessary for you to live in peace. You should cite his drinking habits and the domestic violence as reasons why the Order should be granted.

The Court would also, at the same time as granting an Interim Exclusion Order, grant the ancillary orders required, ie the order for summary ejection of your husband and (non)removal of furniture and the Interdict against his entry to the house.

And once those are in place, change the locks (not entirely legal, but my view is that personal safety is more important).

Make sure you have your own bank account, keep details of all events such as you have described above, get a new mobile (a cheap PAYG would be adequate). Seek advice from domestic abuse charities and above all, stay safe.

Ruth

  • Fiona
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05 Sep 12 #353930 by Fiona
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Incidents of violence and pestering phone calls should be reported to the police.

When you say you went back do you mean you have already left home and have somewhere to stay? If not and it is unsafe you should leave immediately and stay with your friends or family if possible or perhaps a refuge. Then you need to see a solicitor who can tell you where you stand and what options there are. In Scotland anyone under an income of £25k may be entitled to legal aid.

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