Not sure where to start, if this should go back 10years when my first punch hit my face, or should I start when he cheated on me?
Or perhaps the time when he first approached my employer to get me into trouble? But even when he did these things, I felt that wasn''t the worst bit?! He was never there to support me emotionally.
I felt it was my fault all the time.
I wasn''t good enough.
I accepted all the abuse and told the world all was fine.
Now after 13 years of marriage, once tried to get a divorce, I can finally see clearly. Never felt more stupid in my life than to accept his behaviour for so long. Or was it because of our children?
After being made redundant from my previous employer, it didn''t take me long before I got employed again. But it was abroad. I was allowed to go there with intentions of creating a new family home.
Now after a month, I''ve realised that I''m free.
I was free!!
Nobody to have control over me and I got brave to tell him I didn''t want him no longer. The children still living with him I know I would never have a right to them no matter what was decided.
He will refuse me a divorce and he is planning to disappear with children.
Me, still being abroad, finds it hard to know what to do next.
My current employer has already been contacted by him on three occasions of intentions of still, yes, getting me sacked.
Constant abuse from him and I now only want to start solving this quick by a divorce. Questions are so many and money is a big issue.
So please let me know what to do next. Our children are starting emotionally be affected and all I want is for them is allow them to be children.
Of course the children are my biggest worry and it is very painful to leave them behind. Well that is how I feel that I''ve done.
Not a happy situation, but seeing this as a first step.
The children are 11 and 9.
Of course I will do anything on my power to ensure they are put first and looked after, loved and cared for.
It is not easy, wish only it was all different.