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Newly separated and wanting to just talk about it!

  • Maddie43
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05 Oct 12 #359433 by Maddie43
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Hi. I am 47 and split up from my husband of 16 years two weeks ago. Our marriage wasn''t perfect and hit a low point three or four years ago. We moved from the midlands to northern uk to have a new start and new careers. My husband was very unhappy and missed his family and friends. Our problems got worse not better culminating in him telling me that he didn''t love me any more and was going home. I was devastated but he changed his mInd saying that he loved me after all. We discussed moving home anyway so he could be happier as long as he was being honest and was commited to us staying together. So i gave up my job which i absolutely loved and encouraged him in a job application for a dream job that came with a house. We moved in and I had to take a job which took me away from home during the week. Our relationship was better than it had been for a very long time except that he couldnt be demonstrative. I started to check frequently that all was still ok with us and he insisted it was so. Two weeks ago after I was feeling very insecure and constantly checking he admitted he had lied before and panicked in Scotland and didn''t think we should stay together.

So I have had to walk away from my marriage, home, family and dogs to live permanently where my job is and feel totally devastated. He on the other hand gets to carry on living our life with his dream job, free accommodation while I am living in one room on a low wage.
Logically I know people can''t help the way they feel but I am angry that he let me give up my job and dreams to make him happy all for a lie.

I feel like I''m going mad. Obsessive thoughts. Wanting to ring him all the time. Wishing he''d change his mind. I know these feelings won''t last but soothing and sage advice would be appreciated. !

  • tiredandirritated
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05 Oct 12 #359437 by tiredandirritated
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Hi Maddie
I dont know what to say really because everyone copes with these situations in different ways but I know how hard it is and how you are feeling so please just try and stay positive as it will get easier in time, how long I dont know but I promise it will get better.
Best wishes to you

  • Serendipity100
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05 Oct 12 #359529 by Serendipity100
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Maddie - you asked for sage advice. You are angry, upset, hurt, which are normal reactions, but in time, will pass and get easier. This is very recent, so give yourself the time to grieve - and this is the correct choice of word - and look at past posts on here - most of us been in same boat. You will find reading past posts very helpful in taking the first steps. Sorry you find yourself in here, but best place to get support. Hope this helps.

  • StillHalfFull
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14 Oct 12 #360884 by StillHalfFull
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Hi Maddie .... Two weeks isn''t a very long time... You will still feel raw .... If there''s a chance to work things out then don''t burn any bridges but try to realise that if you weren''t both happy then this really is for the best ....
There''s a very cheesy but great line in an Aerosmith song that says "Life''s a journey not a destination" .....

  • taff45
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15 Oct 12 #361153 by taff45
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Hi Maddie

Welcome to Wiki. I know things are hard for you but you will find lots of support here.

I really understand what you are going through. Its almost two months since my ex left me. The pain is indescribable and I really understand what you mean - it all goes around and around in your head as you try to make sense of it all.I was married for 19 years when my world fell apart and he told me he "no longer loved me".

Take care of yourself and keep posting, it will help.

  • Maddie47
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26 Feb 13 #381286 by Maddie47
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