Just wanted to say hi to anyone doing what I''ve been doing for an hour and that''s reading the posts thinking "should I join?". (this is my 3rd draft message)
I''ve been separated for 9 months now and to be frank it''s been hellish at times, I miss my kids like mad and feel angry that my wife has "stolen" a huge part of their and my life (picking them up after school discos, first boyfriends brought home etc .. all the usual Dad stuff). I did nothing wrong but we had been arguing for some time and my wife decided that she was "a free spirit" .. (she actually told me I was lucky she''d stayed faithful to me for the 13 years of our marriage)... She made it so obvious that she wanted out that it was impossible for us to stay together and me to retain any dignity or self worth (her sisters who I asked to arbitrate agreed) ...
I''m struggling with meeting new people and feel like billy no mates having had to move away from the area where we lived (my work is in London and home was in Suffolk which was 1/2 of the problem). Confidence was on the floor, but I have a gallows sense of humour and am slowly getting it back.....
If there are any genuine "meet ups" that concentrate on building a new group of friends that have an understanding of separation (don''t want to go on too much about it tho!) I''d love to hear about them.
I know it shouldn''t but the knowledge that it''s 11:30 on a Saturday night and according to the stats at the top of the screen there''s currently 28 guests and 47 members online makes me feel a little better ... It might be nice to meet some of them and stop being so virtual!
9months separated but no real talk of divorce yet... I expect it''ll come soon tho .. Do people normally get divorced before they "need to" ie seeing someone else ?? I really don''t know why but I don''t want to rush into that (I know we won''t be getting back together...)
That''s a bit of string question. Some peope find it difficult to come to terms with the finality of divorce; some just want to get it over and done with. Some people rush into new relationships and want to be free to remarry (some of course were in new relationships while they were still with their spouses); some just want to be independent.
The one thing that is a definite is that the healing takes a lot of time. Nine months may seem a long time but it''s just a blip in the larger scheme of things. And even when you think you''re over it, something can come along and bite you. Don''t expect too much of yourself.
You don''t have to do anything until you are ready - though your stbx may force the issue and petiton herself. But divorce is useful for cutting financial ties - or in your case since it sounds as though you still have dependent children, sorting the financial ties out.
I forgot to ask - have you moved right away from the area where your family home is? If you have maybe you are putting too much extra pressure on yourself? I kow that when my marriage first blew up I seriously thought about running away and starting a new life somewhere else (oddly enough in Suffolk) but now I am really glad I didn''t. It''s tough starting over and you need as many old friends as you can keep, plus a bunch of new ones. And of course moving away will make it more difficut to see your children on a regular basis.
We lived in Suffolk but my work is mainly in London so I used to stay there (at mums) during week .. then made redundant (great year) so thats the only place I can afford.. Now freelance so picking up occasional work and looking for more, but all still in London... short answer is yes I''ve had to move away ....