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Advice and hello

  • Babyhippo
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16 Oct 12 #361285 by Babyhippo
Topic started by Babyhippo
Hi all,

Advice needed please

Have been married 7 years, lived together for 4, no children, home mortgaged All bills payed by myself, pension contributions from myself only

Work wise I do shifts 2 days, followed by 2 nights, when not at ''work'' I do my second job working my back side off to keep our heads above water

Wife has not worked for the last3/4 years, studying in uni, cooks now and again, generally all the time when her son is home from uni, does the washing and house keeping

For the last couple of years we have grown apart, she does not want to go out down town, socialise, walk the dogs together etc

I feel like I am wasting my life and am not ready to sit in drinking coco and sucking on Mints, looking out the window with a rug over me.

So I am thinking about applying for a divorce ( no one else is involved)

So if we divorce what is she entitled to pension wise, lump sum from pension, maintenance etc. pension has 24 years in it at the mo. I just feel like a bank and being used to provide a roof over her and her sons head.

I want to just get up take the dogs and walk away, leaving it all behind and starting again, I am rather sacred at the thought of it all.

At the moment I am not fussed to put it mildly about walking out and leaving it all, however I know that''s not the right thing to do, she has no way of buying me out of the house although I wish she was able to

Any thoughts greatly appreciated

  • Marshy_
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16 Oct 12 #361300 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Hi babyhippo.

Your going way too fast too soon. You cant just walk away or just announce that you want out. You signed up for this marriage and cos its not working, doesnt mean you should just bin it.

Have you sat down and talked to your wife? Explained how you feel? Doing uni at any age apart from teenage is hard. And your wife doing uni is so that you can have a better life right? So that you dont have to do 2 jobs and work your a*se off. If not, whats the point?

So I would start with a chat. Talk to her and tell her how you feel. You cant work 2 jobs all yr life. Thats stupid. And it has to be until she finishes uni.

Lastly, you must have agreed at some point that you would support her while she does her course? If so, why are you not sticking to your side of the bargain?

So forget divorce for now. That would be a daft thing to do in your case. Talk to her. C.

  • Babyhippo
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16 Oct 12 #361304 by Babyhippo
Reply from Babyhippo
Hi Marshy,

Thanks for the reply, this hasn''t been an impulse decision, lots of thought etc has gone into it, we have talked and talked, with no joy, personally I don''t think that going for a walk together is not a problem, doesn''t cost and you get to be together however she doesn''t even want to do that.

I need someone to be able to hold and love not a flat mate


  • QPRanger
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16 Oct 12 #361318 by QPRanger
Reply from QPRanger
Hi mate

I totally understand where you are coming from as I was in a VERY similar situation. Working up to 70 hours a week, paying for everything whilst wife did a bit of part time work under protest(as long as it didn''t interefere with her social life)and her eldest daughter did literally nothing.

Over the last few years wife was only interested in her group of friends and showed me no interest or love, refusing to go on holiday etc.

I stuck at it without realising how ill it was making me: eventually our marriage imploded.... I look back now with regret and guilt that I didn''t bring matters to a head much earlier and perhaps stop the heartache and pain that the last year has brought. But in my heart I know that my wife saw me as the landlord and bill payer, NOT a man she loved.

So....if you have talked about it and truly believe there is no future I suggest you need to talk to her about the financial impact of going your seperate ways.

Good luck to you: DON''T let it fester as it could destroy you....

  • Babyhippo
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16 Oct 12 #361378 by Babyhippo
Reply from Babyhippo
Thanks for the reply, I will ponder on that.

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