New here. Struggling to cope

Hi. I''m 37 and my partner of nearly 14 years left me and our son on Boxing Day. He has someone else, and has been having an affair for two months.
I desperately wanted him to stay. Now in addition to the fear of financial abandonment, loneliness and an overwhelming sadness, I can''t eat or cope.
I just don''t see any hope.

Hi, I''m so sorry you''re having such a difficult time. I know it''s hard to believe but you won''t feel like this for ever and yes, there is life afterwards. Do you have any family or friends for support nearby?
I foudn Samaritans really good to talk to too when I was at my lowest. They didn''t give me advice, just listened and let me pour my heard out. It helped. xx

Hi and welcome, I really feel for you as I have been through what you are going through now and its so very hard, I could not eat in the early days I forced myself to eat small pieces of fruit the ready prepared ones and just picked on them, I like you thought I would not cope but a year on Im getting there. I really am pleased you found this site as it really has helped me survive, so many lovely people on here have been through what you are going through and will help you all they can, read peoples posts and blogs and keep posting you will never be alone going through this terrible time.

Hxx

Hi Jules.

Well done for finding us so quickly. We can''t take away the pain but we can hold your hand (metaphorically) and offer practical advice (between us) while everything seems topsy turvey.

You will be in shock and the advice about the samaritans and eating little bits is good.

Keep in touch. We are here - and sometimes we understand in a way that people who have not been through this can''t.

Hello Jules and welcome. Sorry to hear your plight. You''ll be in good hands here - certainly this is a lifeline for me and I know for many others too.

Some of us are at the beginning of this nightmare some are emerging through he thick of it and others are already out the other side.

My husband walked out on me and our children just over a year ago and some days the pain is utterly overwhelming and as bewildering as it was at the start. And then I come here and see a post like yours and realise that in the last year or so in spite of all that my ex has thrown at me I have come a long way.

And you will too.

At first (for months) I was DESPERATE for him to come back. I didn''t just believe I KNEW it would be for the best. We loved each other we had children etc. There was noone else. We would work it out. Other people told me it was over but they didn''t know that our case was different.

Well they did know. People who had never met either of us knew him better than I did after 23 years together. Admittedly nobody could have predicted the extent of the damage (secrets and lies and bankruptcy moral and financial). And although my current position is terrifying and I can''t cope and frequently want to end it all I know that one way or another I will come out of this. I will be penniless (stay at home mum for 20 yrs) and hairless and toothless and the only good thing to have come of this - the weightloss - has gone into reverse but I can see (with the help of the folk here) that I will be better off without him.

And you will too. You may not believe me now as I didn''t believe the others, but I am confident that in spite of all the pain for you and yor son and extended family you will one day be happy again.

Stay with us. It will help. Best of luck x

Jules. Sorry to read about your recent unwanted separation. Mine was a December separation too. Wasn''t until I came on here that I realised that people being left was fairly common around this time of year. Somehow knowing I wasn''t the only one that this had happened to helped me.

My husband left me when I was 35. I thought my world had ended. Couldn''t eat, couldn''t sleep, couldn''t cope. That was three years ago now and life can and does get much better. People told me that at first, to be fair, I didn''t really believe it. It was tough as I believed I was the only one going through this in their thirties. Wasn''t the case and I met quite a few people here who were about my age. Again that was of some help and I made some very good friends here. We got each other through our divorces and in those three years life has moved on considerably and very positively for all of us.

At first it''s one day at a time. A day feels like a week at first and the trick is just to get through them the best you can. I ate soft foods at first and forced myself to eat. It''s all I could manage the odd yoghurt or bit of soup. I''d recommend getting some vitamin pills or something though if you can''t eat.

As hard as it is, do some reading when you feel up to it and try to get a little plan together. I did that, the first thing I decided is that it was over.Truly and absolutely. Mine was so euphoric and smug about his affair and new found so called love that I just couldn''t get through to him. You may find your husband is now a stranger and behaving like someone you just don''t know anymore. It was one of the most fundamentally disturbing things I ever experienced.

I know it''s really really early days for you and you will still be in shock. Don''t put pressure on yourself to come up with a plan right now but maybe some reading, thinking and do your best to take care of yourself. I would also wholeheartedly recommend counselling.Relate do see people alone who have recently separated. There is often a bit of a wait, so if this feels right for you, then do make these arrangements sooner rather than later so you get timely support.

I remember at first all those years ago just wanting to know whether he might come back. Whether this nightmare would go away. I''d read desperately around posts and blogs here looking for people who had saved their marriages. What I found is some do come back after their sad little affair had ended. Some don''t. In my case, mine did come back crying, but it was too little far far too late. My advice would be don''t count on reconciliation.You too may find you go through your own journey of personal growth and find you can manage quite nicely without him. But that''s for later.

For now all you can do is focus on yourself and in time have a plan of what you might want to do in these circumstances you find yourself in. Having a sense of control over matters that weren''t of my choosing really helped. Leaving me for someone else not fit to scrape the muck off my shoes was the last decision my ex ever made. I made the rest of the decisions that affected my life and negotiated outcomes that suited me with my ex.

This is all in good time, but hopefully some food for thought.

Hi Jules welcome and (((hugs)))) take all the advice above and look after yourself and your son he must be so upset try and keep things normal for him the routine will also help you try and eat a little soups etc

Keep posting on here you will gets lots of helpful advice and remember someone is always here for you

Xxxxxxxx