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So...Now What?

  • Ajw406
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7 months 1 day ago #510178 by Ajw406
So...Now What? was created by Ajw406
Hi,

So here is my journey so far..

Met her 15 years ago at a joint course,together for 10 years or so before getting Married and purchased a house shortly after.

Well after three years she admitted cheating on me and left for a short while, after a lot of therapy, counselling and forgiveness she came back. The reason main behind it was a mental breakdown because of work and the one thing she could control was the relationship...

Fast forward two years I receive the very well practised speech of I don't have \"any\" feelings for you and she has feelings for someone else and to top it off \"its not you its me\" it was totally out of the blue and I have received nothing but positive reinforcement from her over the past 6 months or so. Its worth noting at this point I almost died of Sepsis 4 months ago..

we stayed together for a week or so to start sorting stuff out but looking back it was just to use my shock to get what she wanted.

The next week was different and I had \"I've offered to buy you out so why are you still here?\" luckily I had enough presence of mind to laugh and state its still half mine.
She left for her brothers the next day.

Then came the pressure, she seemed to be under the impression that this could be all done in a month along the lines of if I give you your share you will leave right..

Queue a few weeks of negotiation about the furniture and the house etc.

I engaged a solicitor as I was a total mess and unable to process even the simple forms for the Divorce, which in hindsight was a smart move. We have since applied for the divorce and the cheque has been cashed at lease.

This didn't seem to change matters, she was still under the impression that I would move out (this weekend in fact) and everything would be signed over etc...

The crack came when the solicitor she had employed to start the consent order challenged her and she was made to employ a divorce solicitor... who talked some sense into her... the last message I had was how unacceptable the delays were. Now its gone silent.

I wish i had found this forum when it first happened a lot of the items in Shoegirl / Sair's sticky post \"survival in the first few weeks\" are spot on... I'm a wreck and I've made some mistakes but thankfully I'm still in the house and just about still have a job. I'm scared that we will end up in court and just pay everything out. Also afraid of wearing the friends I do have left out.

Still apparently I'm unusual as she left me :huh:

Sorry for the long post, venting has been cathartic

Cheers
Adam

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  • Buster007
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6 months 3 weeks ago #510222 by Buster007
Replied by Buster007 on topic Re:So...Now What?
My Wife left me, so we're both unusual!!

24 years of marriage started to message some bloke who was married!

It's really hard you'll be up and down for months probably years, hang in there this website is a real help. Mine wanted it all over in 6 weeks, six months on still hardly started.

Good luck.

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  • TammyJ
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6 months 3 weeks ago #510223 by TammyJ
Replied by TammyJ on topic Re:So...Now What?
Take your time, Adam, and only proceed at the pace that suits you.
Whatever about the merits of the phrase \"Marry in haste, repent at leisure\", it is definitely true when it comes to divorcing \"in haste\". Because you will be stuck with the consequences for ever.

So, despite the temptation to want to just \"get it done\" and \"get it over\" that you will no doubt have in the months ahead (if you haven't already), I think it is best to be patient so that when the dust finally settles you can rest easy with yourself over how you went about things and whatever outcome that produced.

Not sure if these words are any use to you, but as I approach the last lap of my own divorce, I am glad I have taken my time and resisted early temptations to throw in the towel for the sake of some kind of (illusory) \"closure\".

Either way, you have my sympathy, and I wish you all the best on the journey ahead. Oh, and I think you will find the people around will surprise you--for better and worse--and that true friendships will be discovered in the process, which is one of the few positives in the whole ugly experience.

Take care of yourself,

TammyJ

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