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Divorced and Struggling

  • flopsy123
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3 months 1 week ago #511431 by flopsy123
Divorced and Struggling was created by flopsy123
Hello All,

Completely new to this site; stumbled onto it by accident yesterday. Sorry, not really sure where to start. I received my decree [url=Glossary/General/Absolute.html ]absolute[/url] yesterday (I was the petitioner), and have been moved out of the family home since the end of August. I have two lovely boys, who still spend as much time with their Dad as possible - this was never about him and them; he'll always be their Dad.

I thought I was doing pretty well, and was expecting to feel completely fine about the absolute being granted, but it's hit me like a complete tonne of bricks. Been feeling extremely cross with myself, upset for not trying harder, struggling to deal with the fact that I had the life that I always wanted, but ultimately my ex-husband was not the person that I wanted him to be.

I don't know if these feelings are normal or not? I thought i'd dealt with all of this and closed the door at the start of the divorce proceedings but I seem to be reliving it all again.

Any help, words of wisdom, advice would be so very appreciated right now.

Thank you so much. x

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  • hadenoughnow
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3 months 1 week ago #511452 by hadenoughnow
Replied by hadenoughnow on topic Re:Divorced and Struggling
Welcome to Wikivorce but sorry you find yourself here.

Getting the Decree Absolute is always hard. It represents the end of the life you knew and the future you had planned, no matter what the reason are for the marriage ending. It is all very final.

I think most of us will relate to what you say. If you can, see if you can find a counsellor to talk things through with. Give yourself time to grieve for what has gone.


On a practical note, have you got the finances sorted? It is really important to separate the finances so you can plan your independent future.

Hadenoughnow

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  • flopsy123
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3 months 1 week ago #511466 by flopsy123
Replied by flopsy123 on topic Re:Divorced and Struggling
A sincere thank you for taking the time to reply; I very much appreciate it. It is helpful to get other people's takes on the situation - especially those that have 'lived it' and are able to make much mire sense of it than I currently can. I understand the grieving for my marriage however i'd never really given much consideration to grieving for my future also - thank you for that insight, it's really helpful.

With regards to counselling, yes i've done 3 months of that! My counsellor then moved on to another practice & I thought that I was ok without her, but now i'm realising otherwise!

We have a financial order - it's not worth the paper that it's written on to be honest. But i'm financially independent and I work by bum off to ensure that my boys have everything that they need, so i'm not too worried about the financial side of things.

Thank you x

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  • rubytuesday
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3 months 1 week ago #511468 by rubytuesday
Replied by rubytuesday on topic Re:Divorced and Struggling
Hello, welcome to Wikivorce.

I can relate to how you are feeling - despite knowing that the decree was imminent, and being relieved that I was no longer married to an alcoholic bully, I felt a great sense of loss and grief when that document came through the door. It opened up a lot of unexpected emotions that I wasn't prepared for.

Be kind to yourself, explore your feelings with your counsellor, and know that you are always welcome here.

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  • Matlockgirl
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3 months 1 week ago #511504 by Matlockgirl
Replied by Matlockgirl on topic Re:Divorced and Struggling
Hello. I felt exactly the same and I was also the petitioner. It was like the end of life as it was and it makes you feel frightened and vulnerable. I received my Decree Absolute as an email at work at the end of a stressful day which made things even worse!!

The other thing I found was that people kept congratulating me on the receipt of my Absolute like it was something to celebrate??

I also have 2 young boys (4 and 2) so know how hard life can be solo parenting

Good luck

C x

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