Completely new to this site; stumbled onto it by accident yesterday. Sorry, not really sure where to start. I received my decree [url=Glossary/General/Absolute.html ]absolute[/url] yesterday (I was the petitioner), and have been moved out of the family home since the end of August. I have two lovely boys, who still spend as much time with their Dad as possible - this was never about him and them; he'll always be their Dad.
I thought I was doing pretty well, and was expecting to feel completely fine about the absolute being granted, but it's hit me like a complete tonne of bricks. Been feeling extremely cross with myself, upset for not trying harder, struggling to deal with the fact that I had the life that I always wanted, but ultimately my ex-husband was not the person that I wanted him to be.
I don't know if these feelings are normal or not? I thought i'd dealt with all of this and closed the door at the start of the divorce proceedings but I seem to be reliving it all again.
Any help, words of wisdom, advice would be so very appreciated right now.
A sincere thank you for taking the time to reply; I very much appreciate it. It is helpful to get other people's takes on the situation - especially those that have 'lived it' and are able to make much mire sense of it than I currently can. I understand the grieving for my marriage however i'd never really given much consideration to grieving for my future also - thank you for that insight, it's really helpful.
With regards to counselling, yes i've done 3 months of that! My counsellor then moved on to another practice & I thought that I was ok without her, but now i'm realising otherwise!
We have a financial order - it's not worth the paper that it's written on to be honest. But i'm financially independent and I work by bum off to ensure that my boys have everything that they need, so i'm not too worried about the financial side of things.
I can relate to how you are feeling - despite knowing that the decree was imminent, and being relieved that I was no longer married to an alcoholic bully, I felt a great sense of loss and grief when that document came through the door. It opened up a lot of unexpected emotions that I wasn't prepared for.
Be kind to yourself, explore your feelings with your counsellor, and know that you are always welcome here.
Hello. I felt exactly the same and I was also the petitioner. It was like the end of life as it was and it makes you feel frightened and vulnerable. I received my Decree Absolute as an email at work at the end of a stressful day which made things even worse!!
The other thing I found was that people kept congratulating me on the receipt of my Absolute like it was something to celebrate??
I also have 2 young boys (4 and 2) so know how hard life can be solo parenting