Hi, Would love to hear people's opinions/recommendations. Much more to this situation but tried to keep it as short as possible with some context but if you have any further questions please ask.
I've been telling my wife for months that I don't love her anymore and haven't done for a long time. She's refusing to believe it and says she can make me happy again but I know she can't because she herself is broken but refuses to seek help for it. She saw a councillor for a couple of months and reckoned she was cured after her breakdown/life event infront of my 5 and 8 year old at the time (now 6 and 9) telling them she wished she never had them and threating to commit suicide. At one point I had CAHMS involved as the kids started to repeat her word whenever they got extremely upset because they couldn't have their way. had A lot more has also happened but that's the jist of the worse thing that has happened to our family so far.
I tried to help her after this episode by insiting she have councilling. She saw councilling as a sign of weakness but she eventually arranged it. I had it too but she thinks she's all better now and is refusing to have any more councilling.
All our marriage I have been forced to make every important decision including which schools we should visit for the kids as she refused to read a single OFSTED/school report. This was strange to me as she's always said all she ever wanted from life is children.
I've been struggling to make this decision for a long time and I'm still struggling to do so. My primary thought is how this will affect my kids. I can't have her breaking down in front of our kids again and by staying together I can help mitigate that. I can't do so if we are seperated. I have spoken to solicitors and a friend of a friend who works for social services and they all say that even given what has happened I can't expect any more than 50% custody of the kids. She's also not financially independant as she has had no income for 5 years. She won't do any research to understand her options in this situation. In one conversation she wanted me to let her know her options but I couldn't tell her what I think they are as it would be a conflict of interest. This would have to be something she would have to figure out for herself but she hasn't done so as she refuses to believe it's come to an end. From my perspective as long as I continue to keep the roof over our heads and everyone is fed and watered she's happy to carry on with life.
I'm completely stuck on how to to manage this and what the best solution overall is for everyone. The more I push the point the more it will upset her and she will most likely take it out on the kids which is not what I want. I also don't want to stay trapped in a loveless marriage as that will also adversly affect the kids.
Is it worth seeing someone like Relate rather than all the counselling being on her side, if you both are able to talk through the situation with someone impartial then it may help in some way rather than purely focusing on her position and health issues
Thank you for the advice. I will look into that. I've been avoiding any sort of marriage counselling as the ones I called said to only go through marriage counselling if we both are serious about fixing our marriage. I'm not serious about that for a lot of reasons but I'll look in to relationship counselling as I really want things to be as amicable as possible.