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Banned from Walmart...this is funny!

  • Phewthatsalmostover
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01 Feb 11 #249089 by Phewthatsalmostover
Topic started by Phewthatsalmostover
This is why women should not take
men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted
that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most
men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally
unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my
wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Chapman,

Over the past six months, your
husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate
this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our
complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our
video surveillance cameras.


1.. June 15: Took 24 boxes of
condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm
clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato
juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an
employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on
it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service
Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION -
WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the
camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would
bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if
they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people
just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into
the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling
guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants
were.

11. October 3: Darted around the
store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto
department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of
funnels.

13. October 9: Hid in a clothing
rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 14: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least ..

15. October 16: Went into a fitting
room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's
no toilet paper in here!'

  • SozzledSteve
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01 Feb 11 #249103 by SozzledSteve
Reply from SozzledSteve
Stunning Thai girl sat down next to me on the bus, gave me a quick smile. I looked away, somewhat embarrassed. I could feel the blood rushing to my face. Then I thought - Oh no, please don't get an erection. Please, No No No. Oh No. Aw bugger! She did!!!

  • OLDIE
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09 Apr 11 #262305 by OLDIE
Reply from OLDIE
Phewthatsalmostover wrote:

This is why women should not take
men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted
that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most
men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally
unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my
wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Chapman,

Over the past six months, your
husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate
this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our
complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our
video surveillance cameras.


1.. June 15: Took 24 boxes of
condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm
clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato
juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an
employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on
it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service
Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION -
WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the
camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would
bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if
they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people
just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into
the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling
guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants
were.

11. October 3: Darted around the
store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto
department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of
funnels.

13. October 9: Hid in a clothing
rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 14: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least ..

15. October 16: Went into a fitting
room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's
no toilet paper in here!'


Quality

  • ldg
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09 Apr 11 #262318 by ldg
Reply from ldg
That was the funniest thing I have read in ages. I must learn to cut and paste to send it to all my friends!

  • LittleMrMike
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10 Apr 11 #262330 by LittleMrMike
Reply from LittleMrMike
My wife will love that.

The answer to your query is, put the mouse over the text you want to copy, keep the left button held down and move it over the text you want to copy, it should bo blue.

When you've finished that press Control + C to copy it.

That transfers it to the clipboard.

Then you find where you want to put the text and Click Control + V.

Quite easy when you know how !

LMM

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10 Apr 11 #262340 by ldg
Reply from ldg
Thanks Mike, is there no end to your talents?

  • grover1
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29 Apr 11 #265548 by grover1
Reply from grover1
That is a real pain, I wanted to copy the joke from Wal-mart but Control+c does not work. :angry:

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