A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.

Help: topical jokes required!

  • Young again
  • Young again's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
17 Feb 12 #312986 by Young again
Reply from Young again
Warning, if you find these jokes offensive then don''t read them.

Woman tells her solicitor she wants to divorce her husband for adultery.

"What proof do you have?" asks the solicitor.

The woman replies, "I can prove our sixth child isn''t his"

How do you make your wife scream during sex?
Phone her up and tell her.

My wife is divorcing me for ''unreasonable behaviour''. She''s really upset and all because I didn''t wait and open the car door for her . . . . . I swam directly to the surface.

I asked my wife what she wanted for our 25th wedding anniversary, "I don''t know" she said, "Get me something exotic and expensive that I don''t really need" so I booked her in for a masectomy.

The last two are by or based on Emo Philips.

If any more occur to me I''ll let you know, unless of course you''d rather not know, lol!


  • WYSPECIAL's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
17 Feb 12 #312989 by WYSPECIAL
Reply from WYSPECIAL
my wife kept breaking the washing machine so I divorced her. it''s true what they say, washing machines live longer with cow gone.

  • Hereshopin
  • Hereshopin's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
17 Feb 12 #312992 by Hereshopin
Reply from Hereshopin
"I have considered this case very carefully Mr Smith", the divorce judge said, "and I''m going to give your wife £1000 per month in maintenance".

"That sounds very fair", said Mr Smith, "and if I can manage it I''ll throw her a few quid myself".

  • Onmyway
  • Onmyway's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
17 Feb 12 #312993 by Onmyway
Reply from Onmyway
JJ if you used thses they made me laugh!! and I might have to come back to re-read evrytime i need a giggle!!

Thanks to all the contributors!:laugh::laugh::laugh:

  • wazo
  • wazo's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
18 Feb 12 #313001 by wazo
Reply from wazo

  • hawaythelads
  • hawaythelads's Avatar
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
18 Feb 12 #313002 by hawaythelads
Reply from hawaythelads
Jj as probably half your audience demographic might well be female I would avoid the divorce stories derogatory to women you have to be a
His royal hawayness to get away with that :blink:
I would seriously just use general observation or if you are really stuck plagerisation
All the best
Pete xx

Ps unfortunately got the kids that night or would have been there xx

  • Fiona
  • Fiona's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
18 Feb 12 #313004 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
A good source of divorce humour are the American court reporters'' transcripts;

Q. Did you tell your lawyer your husband had offered you indignities?

A. He didn''t offer me nothing; he just said I could have the furniture.

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Defense Counsel - I need at least 25 pages to summarize all my legal arguments your honor.

Judge - You can write 25 pages counselor so long as you tell me which 15 pages I should read.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11