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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.

Fertility Clinic

  • leftwondering
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08 Jun 12 #335792 by leftwondering
Topic started by leftwondering
Couple go to the clinic and are told they need to undergo some simple preliminary examinations.

The nurse leads the guy to a cubicle, gives him a bottle and says, "The Doctors need a sperm sample just to see how things are down there. Ther''s a lock inside the door and just come out when you''re finished."

Quarter of an hour later the nurse knocks on the door. "Are you all right in there?"

"Yes, thanks...I''m OK..just need a bit more time."

The nurse goes away and gets some Girlie Mags and chaps on the door.

"Hello..if you open the door a bit I can hand in some things that may help."

So the guy unlocks the door and opens it a little bit and she passes the mags through.

Quarter of an hour later she comes back and chaps on the door. "How are we doing? Any success yet?"

"Not yet" came the reply, "I''ll need a little bit more time."

Quarter of an hour more passes and the nurse chaps on the door again..

"Look, I''m awfully sorry, but thats nearly an hour now and we have a lot of patients to see this afternoon and need this cubicle. Maybe you could rearrange another appointment at reception, but we really do need this room now."

So the guy unbolts the door and comes staggering out, all red faced and sweating and hands the bottle with shaking hands to the nurse.

She looks at it and says "Oh well done! So you DID manage a sample after all!"

He looks at her in puzzlement and says..

"Oh! I thought I had to FILL the bottle!"

  • raybird
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09 Jun 12 #335866 by raybird
Reply from raybird

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11

The modern, convenient and affordable way to divorce.

No-Fault Divorce £179

We provide the UK's lowest cost no-fault divorce service, managed by a well respected firm of solicitors. 

Online Mediation £250

Online mediation is a convenient and inexpensive way to agree on a fair financial settlement.

Consent Orders from £359

This legally binding agreement defines how assets (e.g. properties and pensions) are to be divided.

Court Support £250

Support for people who have to go to court to get a fair divorce financial settlement without a solicitor.