A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


New partner not invited to family wedding

  • Frenchconnection
  • Frenchconnection's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
10 Jan 08 #10420 by Frenchconnection
Topic started by Frenchconnection
Hi all. I'm new here but have been lurking for a while getting good advice. I'm in the process of divorcing my OH after several years of living seperate lives - all very amicable. Split early september and moved out about 6 weeks after. I started seeing my new guy around the time I moved out, I wasn't really looking for anyone but he came along (we've known of each other for years as we're in the same line of work) and he's totally right for me. It's got pretty serious and my family are aware of this. Noone in the family were surprised or particularly upset that myself and OH had split. However, I got an invite to my step-brothers wedding recently and he has made it very clear that this is a single invite for me only, and also is insisting I share a hotel room with a single cousin so to save space in the hotel for other guests. I am quite offended by this, I am nearly 40 and feel like I am being treated like a teenager - no boyfriend and not allowed my own room and privacy on the day. I think I have decided not to go - what would others do? New OH is disappointed he won't get to meet my family (quite a few live abroad). He's happy for me to go, but if I decided not to he says he'll take me away for the weekend instead. Any ideas on how should I word the RSVP on this basis. Don't want a big family dram, I just know I will be unhappy and annoyed all day if I go.

  • ariesgirl63
  • ariesgirl63's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
11 Jan 08 #10422 by ariesgirl63
Reply from ariesgirl63
Is it really worth upsetting your step brother and causing major family drama for the sake of one day. Your relationship with your boyfriend is still relatively new and the family don't know him yet. There will be plenty of opportunities in the future for your boyfriend to meet the family. If the wedding is on a tight budget then it may be quite reasonable for him not to be invited. As your new boyfriend is happy for you to go alone then I would go. You don't have to stay till late into the evening. Stay for the wedding ceremony and the wedding breakfast and then take your leave. Arrange a lovely night out with your boyfriend and get the best of both worlds. Your step brother will be happy you went, there will be no recriminations later with the family, you don't have to spend a night sharing a hotel room with your cousin and you get to spend quality time with your boyfriend too!

  • Frenchconnection
  • Frenchconnection's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
11 Jan 08 #10423 by Frenchconnection
Reply from Frenchconnection
I see your point, although wedding is some distance away so would be tricky. I don't think budget is the issue tbh, and I'm annoyed that step-sis is bringing her guy who she's been with a couple of weeks longer than I have with my OH. Not got good relationship with step-bro, he's always been very jealous (We're both the "eldest"). Have spent years going to weddings alone (Husband never wanted to come unless it was a VERY important one, ie My Mum's) and really was looking forward to going to one as a couple. Was going to try to come up with a valid excuse - send a very expensive present and let them get on with it.

  • topaz
  • topaz's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
11 Jan 08 #10425 by topaz
Reply from topaz
I would also make an excuse not to attend.Seems the only way out of an awkward situation.It would hardly be fair to cause bad feelings within the family at this time but also you feel you should be supportive to your new partner and you cannot do that by him staying and you going.I think your solution seems the most appropriate.By your absence you'll get the point across without having to express anything verbally.A diplomatic solution.

  • Frenchconnection
  • Frenchconnection's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
11 Jan 08 #10426 by Frenchconnection
Reply from Frenchconnection
Thanks Topaz. Don't want a family drama at all so need to think of a good reason, maybe I'll invent a family function in my partner's family or something. It's such a shame but I'm not going to grovel to brother to invite him, he should have been more considerate to start with, he KNOWS it's serious and the relationship is for keeps, although it's still early days we both know we'll get married at some point, I feel it would be a betrayal if I did go IYSWIM? Bro's comments when I told him H and I were splitting in September was "we're limited on space at wedding so at least that's one off the list". Inconsiderate or what? However, when he was told that other, more favoured sibling and partner were pregnant and due the day of the wedding he was devastated that they couldn't come (too far from home to risk it). Just need to think of my excuse to not go now....

  • TMax
  • TMax's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
11 Jan 08 #10428 by TMax
Reply from TMax
How about :-)

Im so excited to hear about your upcoming wedding. Thank you so much for including me in your event. Unfortunately, I won't be able to attend as I have already accepted a wedding invatation and will be traveling to France? for my boyfriends sisters wedding on the same weekend. If we could only be in two places at once! We will be thinking of you on ******, and sending our love and best wishes your way.

:-)

  • TMax
  • TMax's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
11 Jan 08 #10429 by TMax
Reply from TMax
How about :-)

Im so excited to hear about your upcoming wedding. Thank you so much for including me in your event. Unfortunately, I won't be able to attend as I have already accepted a wedding invatation and will be traveling to France? for my boyfriends sisters wedding on the same weekend. If we could only be in two places at once! We will be thinking of you on ******, and sending our love and best wishes your way.

:-)

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11