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can i have sole custody?

  • doodles
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29 Jan 08 #12236 by doodles
Topic started by doodles
can anyone please help? ive been going through divorce process since july and have just been given my nisi. my youngest daughter has seen her father approx 7 times as has been refusing to go because he leaves her with others so he can go out and involves her in the arguments we have with each other.he is a perpetrator of Domestic violence, which my litle girl has been witness to in the past and rightly had him arrested. the point being is i dont feel staying with him after the divorce would be in her interests is there anything i can do to protect her. he uses emotional blackmail and didnt buy her a thing for her bday or xmas and said he would get her something when she stays over regularly with him.

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29 Jan 08 #12250 by gone1
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Deb. U dont say how old your daughter is. Its important. Do you mean she had him arrested? Normally courts dont like awarding sole custody to PWC for good reasons. I am not saying you dont have a good reason for taking this action. I suspect that you will have to go to court if the child is a minor. Over a certain age they can chose for themselves.

He needs to sharpen up his act.

Chris.

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29 Jan 08 #12275 by Fiona
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In the UK the terminology is now 'residency/contact' denoting with which parent a child lives and spends time with rather than 'custody/access' implying control. Even when a parent is awarded residency it's exceptional for the Courts to see no contact with the other parent as in the child's best interests. When safety is an issue often supervised contact is seen as the way forward.

Children's wishes are taken into account according to their age and maturity, but rarely in my experience do children reject a parent outright, rather they have very mixed feelings towards the parent. Usually an ongoing high level of parental conflict is the most damaging to children's well being and the smart thing to do is call in people (GP, teachers, counsellors, social workers etc) who may be able to defuse the situation and help future family relations rather than involving the Courts.

Having said that, as a last resort the Court process can address some of the issues you mention by applying conditions. In the context of the Children Act 1989 risk of harm relates to;-

punishing a child too much

hitting or shaking a child

constantly criticising, threatening or rejecting a child

sexually interfering with or assaulting a child

not looking after a child - not giving them enough to eat, ignoring them, not playing or talking with them or not making sure that they are safe.

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29 Dec 08 #74958 by Faithful
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Hi, just saw your post which is very relevant to our case. I wonder how I can apply for residence order which allows me to have full care and decision responsibility including where we will live in the future, perhaps overseas?

It is a pain to deal with someone who cannot even be civil with his own children.

Rosa.

  • Marshy_
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30 Dec 08 #75027 by Marshy_
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Often children are used as weapons in divorce. In the short term this helps the perpetrator but not in the long term. Kids are not stupid. They can see right from wrong and in the long term work things out for themselves. Its important that the child see's the father. And if he was any kind of decent human being he would not treat her this way. But people are people. And kids suffer at the hands of those that are supposed to protect them. C

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30 Dec 08 #75038 by sexysadie
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I agree that it does rather depend on how old she is, as older children are better able to know what they want and understand the implications. It can be frightening for children who have witnessed or been victims of domestic violence to stay overnight with the parent who perpetrated this; it is hard for people who have not been in that situation to imagine how terrifying domestic violence can be. If you can I would tell your husband (by email if necessary) that your daughter doesn't want to stay overnight for the moment because of the things he has been doing and saying. However, you do need to leave a way open for her to go at a later time if she wants to.

Of course your ex may take you to court to enforce contact, but whether he would get enforced overnight stays would depend on the age of your daughter and whether she was considered able to judge what would be in her best interests. If your children are younger it may be more problematic.

I do actually think that older children should have the right to refuse to see their non-resident parent if the parent is behaving badly - though I also think that it is the resident parent's duty to encourage contact, even after a long time of no contact.

Best wishes,
Sadie

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30 Dec 08 #75043 by Marshy_
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sexysadie wrote:


I do actually think that older children should have the right to refuse to see their non-resident parent if the parent is behaving badly - though I also think that it is the resident parent's duty to encourage contact, even after a long time of no contact. In my case this brought him into line and he now treats the children better than he has for years.

Best wishes,
Sadie


Not all PWC are like you Sadie. Some rubbish the ex no matter how they have been treated. Many see it as a punishment. And the kids pick up on this stress and try and side with mum and not see dad. All done in the name of divorce and the kids suffer in the end. C

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