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Is there really......life after divorce??

  • welshguy2008
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29 Jan 08 #12298 by welshguy2008
Topic started by welshguy2008
Obviously there is, but for the life of me I cannot see light at the end of the tunnel. We have been parted for 4 months, I've signed the petition just the other day (really gutted about it) and each day the pain doesn't lessen.

I've been on a date which was a disaster as I just didn't want to be there, it didn't feel the right thing to do and felt terrible for the girl I was with (felt I was being false to her?)

My wife or x2b has stopped me seeing my stepson, I've lost my home, lost my wife and my job is dangling by a string everything that made life worthwhile.oh and she is seeing another guy.........so, does life get any easier??....:(

cheer me up peeps cos god I need it!!

  • Angel557
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29 Jan 08 #12301 by Angel557
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Welshguy well you know your not ready to date yet,Think most of us would rather not be here i believed my marriage was for life, i was gutted when i signed all the papers for the divorce.One thing i do know though is you can't think and wonder what your ex is upto thats causes more pain, you need to have a little focus on you for now , see your mates get a hobby do something different.There is light at the end of the tunnel it's all new and fresh for you, but you will find us all in here willing to lend an ear.

  • scottishlady
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29 Jan 08 #12302 by scottishlady
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Welshguy.....

Give it more time....

I am a couple of months farther down the line than you.... and, like you, I couldn't see even a glimmer of light at the end of the 'tunnel'.....
but.... it does get easier....

This situation is not what a lot of us would choose for ourselves... I, for one, would not have wished to be in this situation - but I am!!!

Quite often... it is forced upon us... we have no choice in the matter.... so... we 'learn to live with it'....

I, also.... went on a date.... fortunately, it was with 'a friend' who was aware of my situation... and, although it was a most pleasant evening... it only went to show me, that I am far from 'ready' for dating, or a relationship.... we are still very much 'friends'.... and maybe, much farther down the line, we may 'try again'... who knows...

I have lost my husband.... my daughter has lost her father.... I will shortly lose my home..... but....

I will come through it - and so will you!!!!!!!

My STBX is currently 'enjoying' his new life, with his new woman/family.... and we are 'left behind'....

Nevertheless.... I/We have to believe that life can get better..... and, one day, who knows when..... we can begin to feel happiness again....
Now, whether that be with a new home... a new partner.... a new hobby.... time will tell

Be kind to yourself.... take some time for you.... enjoy things you never had time for before...
Take comfort from your friends and family....

Above all..... believe in yourself....

  • welshguy2008
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29 Jan 08 #12304 by welshguy2008
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I suppose you are both right, and many thanks for your support.
It's just that 5 months ago I honestly believed we would be together for life. It's funny how your world can turn upside down so quick. I had it all, now I feel lost with no direction.

I have joined a gym and booked a weekend away to spain for this coming weekend but it's not a patch on being sat on the settee with my x2b nagging me on the trivial things.

I know life goes on, and I know I can and will get through this, it's just I feel that it a shame and a waste that it didn't work out.

I would'nt wish this on my worse enemy.....it's hard goin!

Thanks again

  • Sgutt
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29 Jan 08 #12305 by Sgutt
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The one thing I have learned is that 'nothing is forever'.
Things will get better in time, but love is not a switch, you just cant stop loving someone on demand.
Hopefully, the love will dwindle and you will see your ex for what she really is.
10 months on for me and I no longer care. I cant stand to look or talk to her, you wouldnt treat a dog like she has to me, but hey, she's happy so that's all that matters!!
Keep the faith, this process is hard, but keep your dignity and self pride.

  • rosiegirl
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30 Jan 08 #12317 by rosiegirl
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Yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel, its just that that tunnel is different lengths for all of us. For me, I think I'm ready to date now - I look forward to meeting new people and hopefully someone special eventually. But its been 2 & 1/2 years since we separated so it hasn't been a quick thing for me at all. A year ago I felt physically sick just looking a pictures of men on match.com!

Don't rush yourself - give yourself time to grieve and come to terms with what's happened. The others have all given good advice too.

Good luck and take care.

  • Josh2008
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30 Jan 08 #12321 by Josh2008
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welshguy2008

In answer to your specific question - yes there is life after divorce, no one knows when that will start but you have to keep telling yourself that one day your life will change

In my opinion it is too early to even think about dating, your emotional state now can only ruin any new relationship

Take your time to get over your past and then ease into a new life.

I would say the best time to start is when everything, the divorce and the finances are sorted out, is the best time, by then you know you are certain of the future

If it's any consolation I was married (still am) for 32 years when I received a petition, I had been separated from and not spoken to my wife for 21 months, but I was completely shocked and went through a very difficult time trying to understand why.

It's now just over two years since we separated and I am not ready to even think about dating, the finances are not sorted and the divorce is getting nearer.

No one who has spent such a long time with another person can reasonably be expected to just switch off; you need to take it one day at a time and just let things happen

Keep posting on here ask as many questions that you want answered, it is a terrific site, and enter the chatrooms in the evening for a bit of banter

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