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how to make it

  • jelly4toes
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15 Feb 08 #14028 by jelly4toes
Topic started by jelly4toes
:(how to survive it all is my question after 20 years i am left in a house with negitive equity 54k in debt in my name i have been advised to go bankrupt but that means my 9year old and i will lse our home how do i keep from drowning.he ran off with a rich woman and she is his boss he has hit the jackpot we are left with nothing.hoe do we get over this.my life is ruined.

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15 Feb 08 #14038 by unic
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many here have shared those desperate dark moments that you are going through.
Its not unusual to feel so desolate.
Remember your 9 yr old who needs you now more than ever.
Keepyour chin up and keep posting

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15 Feb 08 #14042 by jelly4toes
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i feel like i do not know what to do or where to turn negitive equity and 54k of debt bankruptcy seems to be the only way forward but then we lose our home where will we live

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15 Feb 08 #14047 by mike62
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Jelly4toes,
Welcome to Wikivorce.

Have you sought any advice from Citizens Advice?

How big is the negative equity?

How much of the 54K is your debt and how much is his debt and how much is joint debt?

Whatever happens, you will not be left entirely destitute. It seems like an impossible mountain right now, but nothing is impossible. Hard - very hard, yes, but not impossible.

Post up a bit more of your story - how you came to be in this situation, how long with husband, his or your incomes - and someone will be able to give you some suggestions

Above all - don't panic :(

Mike

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15 Feb 08 #14057 by jelly4toes
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well here goes we met after my 1st husband had just died,he came as a lodger my house was paid off no mortgage as i had insurance to cover the mortgage if either of us died.I remortgaged got us through uni we got married i sold my house used the 20k equity as a deposit on the new house.Our daughter arrived she is now 9.He was abusive negitive critical I lost all confidence i qualified as a solicitor but he didn't want me working in the day and told me i was crap.i worked unsociable hours deskilled myself doing police station work only while they were in bed asleep or at the weekend.I paid for everything the mortgage bills the lot.I was frightened to ask for money.We remortgaged house now worth 274-300 red penaly till 2010 of 15k.no assets savings.He says he has debt of 40k and nhs pension.i am finding it hard to continue working as i have no childcare support if i work mon -fri as i am so deskilled will get half income,I have now one ccj 2 more on the way debtline say go rupt but where will we live

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15 Feb 08 #14061 by mike62
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Jelly4toes,
What can I say? Speechless. What an evil man. He has systematically abused you over a long period of time and reduced you to such a low level of self-esteem.

Petition for divorce, on the grounds of Unreasonable Behaviour. Apply for Maintenance Pending Suit. Maybe you will be able to get an attachment of earnings aginst your husband. Contact your mortgage company and see if you can either take a payment holiday or go onto an interest only mortgage to reduce your outgoings.

Bankrupcy may be the best option, but maybe you can come to a voluntary agreement with your creditors. His 40K debt is his own issue to deal with.

Get to Citizens Advice asap and see what they can do to help.

Join the 'Dealing with Domestic Abuse' group. There are others here who have suffered too and can give you a lot of support and help.

Above all - DON'T GIVE UP!

Your daughter needs you now more than ever. SHe needs a mum who is strong. You are not strong at the moment. You need to take care of you to get strong.

Whatever else, you are a lone parent with a Dependant child. You are a priority for housing. Even if it does go pear shaped with bankrupcy, although life is more difficult, it is not impossible.

Good luck, and keep posting,

Take care of yourself

Mike

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16 Feb 08 #14086 by SummerSun
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I also had some dark moments - keep your chin up, focus on solving the problems, don't be affraid to lean on family amd friends and use forums like these for support and info. After 3 years I'm coming out the other side - finances almost settled but more importantly I have found out me.

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