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when does it end?

  • sabine
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21 Feb 08 #14678 by sabine
Topic started by sabine
I was married for 3 years and then got divorced when I found out my husband was cheating and wouldnt give up his relationship with the other woman. I have no children. I moved continents for him, learned a new culture and language. Its now been 8 months since the divorce was finalised, and a year since we separated. I moved back to my home country 2 months ago and am feeling very lost.

I dont know if I did the right thing by quitting my job and new "home" to come back to my roots. I havent found a job yet and have absolutely NO idea what I want to do with my life. Finances arent a problem for the moment, but rather the lack of having a project and something to fill my day - what should i be doing with all this free time and no-one to share it with? I thought I was ready to start dating again, I so missed the comfort of being with someone, having a companion or even someone to share trivial things with. I told myself that I dont need anyone in my life, but I do. I feel lonely. I started dating a guy that I really liked and it flopped and he said that he wanted to rather be friends, due to him relocating in a few months (which of course I immediately put down to there being someone else). This was devastating for me, which was absurd as we had only gone out a couple of times. I realised then that I wasnt ready, or maybe just not ready for another rejection.

Eventhough I have come to terms with what happened and I no longer miss my ex (although I still get angry at him in moments of weakness in my alone time)I want to know how long this feeling of being lost and overwhealmed lasts?? Because its no longer about him, its now about ME - What can I do to heal within faster and get my life on track? What do I do to find direction and re-learn what my passions are? The last 2 nights, I havent been able to sleep - am I in a crisis and not aware of it?

I know that I have to be patient and that time heals all, but I want to be more proactive than just waiting - any suggestions?

  • Emalou33
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21 Feb 08 #14685 by Emalou33
Reply from Emalou33
I think it is different for everyone, but making new friends will help you hugeley, so maybe you should spend time doing things you enjoy where you might make new friends, fill up your diary perhaps, I think it will happen when it happens, just try and take each day as it comes.


  • loobyloo
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22 Feb 08 #14687 by loobyloo
Reply from loobyloo
I left my roots to get away from my x2b as he wouldnt budge
I am hopefully nearing the end of a messy and very upsetting divorce, mainly over money,
I left my job i loved and all id known, but new I had to do it
Its almost 8 months since i moved and am ready to get back out there now
Yesmy confidence went and i wonder sometimes if i did the right thing
but deep down it was the best for us both also I have 2 kids.... whom i might add have been ignored by dad since august
So keep on as emalou says ts different for us all , but if you stick around on here you will see that you do come out the other side eventually, but probably not untarnished
my thoughts and support to you

  • Specialdad
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22 Feb 08 #14696 by Specialdad
Reply from Specialdad

Dont over analyse everything it will make you go mad.

Take a day at a time. Do some charity work if you can, there are always people far worst off then you are and they could do with some help.

Dont worry about the past, look to the future and life is what you make of it.

Never trust anyone but give them the benefit of the doubt.

If you feel low listen to your favourite music, it should help.

  • gone1
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22 Feb 08 #14711 by gone1
Reply from gone1
Its all happned so fast for you and you are still in a relationship.In your head that is. Truth is some of us need to be with someone and some dont. I dont. But I didnt know that 2 years ago as I was married for 12 years. I thought mistakenly that I had to be with someone.

I found myself. Well I am finding myself is more like it. When does it end? It dont is the answer. Your life is yours and this all part of *your* life. Relationships (and the lack off) are part of it. I went thru a phase of not knowing what to do. Now my life is packed with stuff. One day yours will be to. You just need to give it time. Stuff will come to you. Honest!!

But the big mistake to make is leap into another relationship far to early. This is a common mistake we may make. We are used to being with someone and we crave the cuddles and all the little things in life and we are lost without them. The danger is that you will get with someone far to early to satisfy these yearnings and later on we find out that we shouldnt be with this person at all. You are probably not strong enough to take on a relationship and all its demands. I am much stronger now but not strong enough. I still have lots of issues and so will you. Betrayal is one of the worst things that can happen to you becuase it knocks all your self esteam out of you.

Get used to being on your own for a while. Rediscover what you are and what makes you tick. Its hard at first but its worth it.

When we are with someone we give a little of ourselves (sometimes a lot) to that person and we need that part back. It comes back in time and we become a whole person in time. Someone that can stand on our own 2 feet. Occupy the space we exist in if you like.

Just give yourself time. Dont rush into anything and just concentrate on getting better. In time you will know what to do. Lifes like that. Let it work its magic on you. Best ones Chris.

  • rubytuesday
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22 Feb 08 #14766 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday

Your words are always wise. I shall heed what you have said.

Ruby x

  • Elle
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22 Feb 08 #14802 by Elle
Reply from Elle
I agree with everything Chris said....and without the wisdom of SD I overanalysed till it near killed me.
I cant comment on the betrayal as I am not sure if abuse is betrayal.....but this site....albeit I found it 8 yrs into div......has helped me more in the 6 weeks i been here than the whole of the yellow pages....well ok...i am still at letter y.....
Thanks for the wisdom, experience, sharing, advice, jokes...but mostly release from the isolation

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