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  • NOtia
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05 Mar 08 #15894 by NOtia
Topic started by NOtia
One of many "things" divorce takes with him…
People keep telling me, that I'm young attractive and smart women…It feels like I can hear it from far away…and it stays in my mind for few minutes…then one "friend" tells me that I look tired and sick (who doesn't after going through this?!?) and that it is a pity I'm not as attractive as I used to be…one person and just his opinion…stays in my mind for days and it will be probably hidden somewhere deep in me for much longer…
Now I don’t know if I'm more upset about that I might really look sick and tired or that I care about his opinion as much as let it spoil my day…
WHY? The compliments slip quietly from my mind and bad comments about me stay screaming for days???


  • rosiegirl
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05 Mar 08 #15899 by rosiegirl
Reply from rosiegirl
Because when you are facing divorce, there has normally been quite a period of bad times before it - when possibly you have felt very low, unattractive, ugly, stupid, unimportant... the list goes on and will differ for each of us. It doesn't matter that before the bad times you were a bright, intelligent, successful woman - losing your self esteem makes you forget that.

In my experience, it takes time and space away from your ex to get those positive feelings back again, but the good news is that they do come back and get stronger and stronger. :)

So hang in there, take one day at a time and try and focus on those positive friends of yours.

  • kidsinbulgaria
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05 Mar 08 #15916 by kidsinbulgaria
Reply from kidsinbulgaria
Self-esteem is that a kind of non-electric iron ? I find that laughter helps...:laugh:

It's the old 'Does my bum look big in this?' question. Do you want honesty from your friends or for them to say anything just to cheer you up?

FACT - People do not feel or look at their best when they are under stressful situations.

What matters much more, is can you can look into the mirror and say 'I did the right thing' then it will all be worth it in the end. You have earned the right to walk tall with your head held high.

On bad days I always think 'what if I had stayed and just got on with it?' I know I made the right choice to go but it has been very hard.

They always say that for every Ethel there is a Bert out there. Who knows where your Bert is....Your Bert might be staring in his mirror asking himself the same questions as you are asking yourself.

I'll leave you with a little Hans Christian Anderson:-

A mother duck hatches her eggs and, while most of her ducklings are normal, one is grey, too large, and too clumsy to fit in among the others. Though she tries to accept him, the entire barnyard realizes that he simply does not belong and after a period of harassment he leaves to fend for himself. He is sheltered by an old woman in her poor cottage, but her cat and her hen will not accept him and he is forced to set off once again on his own. He wanders for the entire summer and fall, for no one will take him in, and he nearly freezes to death in an icy pond. Though he is rescued by a human, he cannot live in captivity, and he returns to the wild.

By the end of winter, he is miraculously still alive. He comes to a pond in a park or garden, where beautiful white swans are swimming. He is drawn to their beauty, though he has no reason to think that they will treat him better than anyone else has. Still, he thinks, even if they kill him, he must approach them. To his surprise, the beautiful creatures welcome and accept him; gazing at his reflection, he sees that he too is a swan. The children declare that he is the most beautiful swan of them all, yet he is not proud, for a good heart is never proud. Because of all that he suffered he now appreciates his happiness so much more.

:)Hope your reflection surprises you, in the future, too.

  • NOtia
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06 Mar 08 #15970 by NOtia
Reply from NOtia
Hi non-electrical iron;)lol
Thanks for the input!
I didn't ask my friend about his opinion ...he came up with the idea of me looking "bad" by himself PLUS he came up with all bunch of ideas how I can improve! I'm tired of guys telling me how I should look/who I should be...their little sludy package...
Anyway...that's enough of me being pain in the ***;)
I hope that there are genuine guys out there and maybe one day one of them will like me for WHO I'm and not for how I look…

PS: I love the ugly duckling story…

  • kidsinbulgaria
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06 Mar 08 #15993 by kidsinbulgaria
Reply from kidsinbulgaria

I've got another little story for you, this time from Aesops Fables.

The Fox and the Crow

A crow has found a piece of cheese and has retired to a branch to eat it, when a fox approaches. The fox, wanting the cheese for himself, flatters the crow, calling it beautiful and "the king of birds". Finally the fox requests that the crow sing for him. Its ego inflated by all the flattery, the crow begins to caw. When it opens its beak, the cheese falls and is devoured by the fox.

The moral of the fable is "Beware flatterers."

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