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Maliciousness - does it ever stop

  • Tinny
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11 Mar 08 #16466 by Tinny
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Hi folks
Had a really bad few weeks and am trying to get back to normal so how come things keep going wrong.

My Ex and his in-laws detest me. He puts up a good public persona but ex MIL & FIL arent so clever. It is all so hateful especially as I know how they must describe me to my kids. A few days ago I visited my kids at FMH. Ex MIL arrived, snubbed me and left shortly afterwards. This is the first time I have met her in about 2 years. When I went back to my car someone had scratched the complete drivers side right down to the metal. Rural location, no other houses, nobody else about and without going into the detail I know with 100% certainty that the car was unscathed before I got there.

I cant prove it and at the end of the day life is too short for such spite but when does it stop.

Yesterday I was talking to an ex collegue of my Ex. He said he really never understood how I lasted so long with him (18 ish years). He also mentioned ExMIL and how every time he had met her she went into a complete tirade about me and how bad I was. He knows she still does this and feels that Ex developed a very clever PR campaign against me (he's good at it, part of his job).

I'm just sick of it. What more do they want? He has the kids, he is still in FMH and he has blackened my name, when will he stop??

Ok I will have to spend a few hundred to fix the car, I dont care about that, its immaterial anyway but what will come next?

Sorry folks this is really just me ranting to get it off my chest, but if anyone can shed any light on this please let me know.

Tinny

  • Fiona
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11 Mar 08 #16516 by Fiona
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So sorry to hear you are still having to deal with this, Tinny. Unfortunately it's not possible to make people reasonable and all to be done is to try and remain as detached as you can and do your bit to ensure the children are as comfortable as possible. One would hope it will become less chaotic and stop. Personally I would log incidents with the police or at the very last keep a record yourself.

  • mike62
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11 Mar 08 #16522 by mike62
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For what it is worth Tinny, my thoughts on MIL:

She is your ex's mother. Mothers and son's have a unique bond. Most sons cannot do wrong in their mother's eyes, regardless of the weight of evidence. Many mothers side with their sons through the most obvious of falsehoods. Their son's wife took them away from them and they feel that their son's wife was never quite good enough for their son. Didn't look after him like she could. So when son plants a seed of dissatisfaction, the rose-coloured spectacles are firmly attached and a campaign of pure nastiness begins. 'She wasn't good enough for my xyz'. I have heard my own mother say this of my brother's ex-wife. However, she would never say so in front of my brother's daughters. Nor be so extreme in her behaviour. But the thought is firmly planted. My ex-sister-in-law will never be right in my mother's mind.

But Fiona is quite right. All you can do is to be the bigger person and not be seen to rise in front of your family and children. And report any incidents to the police.

You just don't need it at the moment. Sorry to hear that you are having such a battle on top of all else.

Mike

  • Tinny
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11 Mar 08 #16523 by Tinny
Reply from Tinny
Thanks Fiona.
I shouldnt let it bother me. Its their problem if they hate me and I should be bigger than that. I think its all built up over the last couple of weeks and I just couldnt take anymore.

As a family they hold grudges...Ive seen it in action before. I just hope that others will see me for what i am and not how they describe me. More importantly I hope my kids see me as they should. At least they havent seen me or heard me acting the way their grandmother does.

I thought about the police too but have a feeling they have too many connections for it to be worth it.

Thanks
Tinny

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11 Mar 08 #16524 by megan
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Hi Tinny
I'm in same position I think some people just don't know how to behave they do love or hate. The only time my H visited his mother was when i suggested it I did everything for her, even saved her life following heart attack. Yet since he left for his s..... i haven't even had a phone call. Even found his sister has his s... to stay. Seems it runs in families!!!

  • Tinny
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11 Mar 08 #16528 by Tinny
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Mike, thanks again. Youre a star.

As I said to fiona, I know I should be bigger than this but when Im feeling so low about all else its easy to let it get you down.

I understand all you say about mothers and sons. My mum was (hard to say that) like that with my brothers BUT even after one of them divorced she would never have snubbed Ex DIL, never. She may have thought it was her fault but Mum was a better person with the result she retained a goodish relationship with DIL.

Its hard to describe my ExMil, there is really nobody like her in terms twistedness (is that a word? I hope you understand what i mean). She is like a spider sitting spining her web. After I left Ex, she sent my youngest a birthday card. She had always signed herself Nana, but that card was signed Na-Ma, very clear, no mistake. Her family hold her in very little regard...unless it suits them and it suits Ex now. Yet i have heard him scream abuse about her calling her "bitch" & "whore" (sorry about the language) what man would call his mother such things?

Anyway thanks for the advice. I'm feeling particulary low tonight. I think the relisation has just kicked in.

Take care
Tinny

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12 Mar 08 #16545 by Tinny
Reply from Tinny
Thanks Megan

Yep, it runs in families. Ex really has a problem as his Mum & Dad are much the same. It really worries me that it will be passed down to my kids.

You have nothing to regret, you helped his Mum when it mattered and thats the important thing. My story is similar, I listened to his Mum when she had rows with FIL, was her confidant but I knew that would change when I left....blood is thicker than water...but that doesnt condone her behaviour now.

Take care
Tinny

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