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how to find that new life comments please.

  • jelly4toes
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18 Mar 08 #17101 by jelly4toes
Topic started by jelly4toes
i feel a bit thick and stuck. i wanted to ask my new chums for opinions.i never had a social life when with ex he kept me away from his work he told me he was ashamed of me.we never socialised he didn't like being with people.for 15yrs i have worked unsociable hours ie 9am sat through to 9am mon heavy going on call police station work representing those locked up.ex didn'e want me working days so i cud luk after 9yr old .i have no mated they didnt want to keep on seeing me with him in the backgroung swearing .

i am now de skilled if i go to work in the week i will half my income.but i feel sad with not much life.i take daughter to school pik her up.take her to her clubs etc.go to bed at 9 as i am so so so tired all the time.then its the weekend and work.thats it thats my life.the one that i have lived for 15 yrs.today i go bankrupt.stuk in a house in neg eq possible thrown out at some point.

how can i change my life.my child is used to the routine and being the centre of my world.i feel like i have lost the connetion or indeed plot.does anyone have any ideas how to sort myself out.the solution may be staring at me and i may be thick.help any lifestyle gurus out there

  • Angel557
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18 Mar 08 #17103 by Angel557
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Hi Jelly

somewhere near you there should be a community centre of some sort , they always seem to do things for adults during the day ie keep fit classes , least this way you begin to meet other adults, have you thought about for a couple of hours pw being a volunteer as the more adult contact you make during the day should hopefully be able to lead to a night out for a meal or a drink.Your by no means thick you just need a little guidance as we all do.

  • loobyloo
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18 Mar 08 #17106 by loobyloo
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jelly you are not daft and know how you must be feeling
i moved away from my home town in june with kids, as they dont see my x2b (his choice) i have been the centre of their universe with no let up and its exhausting...I have redressed the balance in thier lives but lost direction in my own.
I have not yet made friends really only with the neighbour and the odd chat at school gates
I am looking to go back to my profession as miss work and the comerardery(oops spelling check) and just being helen again.
So I have sort of decided that I made my choces be them right be them wrong, but now must have the courage of my convictions and battle on in and WE will get there, we have to its natural progression, just look back at the different times in your life and youll realise that without each stage we wouldnt have had the next stage
love and hug to you
looby

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18 Mar 08 #17112 by IKNOWNOW
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Jelly,

I have 5 small children and my x also didn't allow me to have a social life. My only friends are the mums from school and as my eldest 2 children now get the bus to school even some of those friends are not as close.

I have made friends on wiki and some of those are more than just internet buddies now.

I agree with Angel, you need to get out and do things in the daytime whilst your child is at school. Why not enrol on a course at your local college, who knows it may even lead to a new career choice for you.

I always accepted that I didn't go out because I have children, but now realise that you have to find time to be YOU not just the yummy mummy all the time. You deserve a life.

I know money is nearly always an issue in our situation but you need a life too, and your child needs their mum. Maybe worth getting some careers advice you might be surprised at yourself when you take a good look at your CV. Too often do us mums undervalue our skills.

Good luck, and believe me life gets better. I am happier since my x left, than I have been for many years but yet I face losing mine and the children's house and am struggling financially. Some things in life are more important than money, although granted it is needed.

Regards, Sarah

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18 Mar 08 #17119 by kidsinbulgaria
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Jelly4toes,

Hello and well done so far.

Don't do what I did and jump from the frying pan straight into the fire!!!

Loads of tips below for you but I think it is very important for you to come to terms with enjoying your own company. Self confidence will lift you mentally and physically. You will feel tons better and it will be noticeable by every one around you. Much easier to make friends and be successful in interviews etc. A smile on your and your head held high will do wonders for you.


How to start a new life !
www.insidedivorce.com/divorce-help/How-t...w-life-post-divorce/

www.newlifenetwork.co.uk/

help with cv
www.newlifenetwork.co.uk/cv-help-c52.html

8 easy steps to self confidence
www.ivillage.co.uk/relationships/famfri/...61285_176432,00.html

ideas re:boredom
things-to-do-when-bored.co.uk/

www.tellmehowto.net/selfdevelopment/things_to_do_when_bored_210

www.when-you-are-bored.co.uk/

The very best of luck to you. Come back regularly and let us know how you have blossomed....please....

Mike

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18 Mar 08 #17122 by rosiegirl
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mike - you've come up trumps again! internet search king :laugh:. I'll take a look at those sites too.

  • jelly4toes
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19 Mar 08 #17169 by jelly4toes
Reply from jelly4toes
thankyou everyone.bankruptcy hearing over yesterday.whew was traumatised but feel its a fresh start.you would think my solicitor would have rung me last week when i left a message to say that that is what i was to do yesterday.anyway the only way is up.thanks mike will look up the sites.does anyone have experience of extreme tiredness i only have the one beautiful child i just spat the tea everwhere when i imagined having 5 to cope with! i feel so so tired i am falling asleep at work and fell asleep in the car for 2 hours on sunday,i am so physically dead.i also keep having funny do's i sweat,shake.feel like i am about to pass out.i take some thing sugary then feel really sick and 30 mins later get the poopants big time i don't know what this is .does anyone have any ideas it is becoming more often and a pain.i keep thinking that after ex leaving17mths ago i should be making big strides.and i am not.

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