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Going Mad??

  • polar
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22 Jun 11 #274170 by polar
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True true true !!. Its funny looking back now at the mess I was in. Worry really did fill my life in every conceivable direction.You could go on with sayings which usually turn out to be true.

Having dated a lot, by pure chance I met someone. Wasnt actually looking. 9 weeks into it and really not the type of person I thought I would link up with.

Yesterday opened my eyes. She did several tiny things which my X would never have done. Insignificant to an outsider but important to me. Yes I had missed those things for all those years. I know that she also says i do similar little things.

Yes we both have history but what is interesting is how we move forward. Working on ourselves . We have discussed things and one of the biggest things is that both of us were faithfull . Yep the idiots can spread rumours about our pasts but WE know they aren't true. Its the building of trust between us. Neither of us has to look over our shoulders in case skeletons come out of the cupboard. We know the truth. Our partners on the other hand have made relationships but I know in my case my X has been playing outside her relationship. Poor guy thinks he is exclusive. It goes to show that my X thinks of self before others and as she did with me will use until she ends up with the reputation she deserves. There is a lot of stability in my life now. Im happy where I am , Im happy where things are going. I dont have to worry about the idiots who tried to wreck my life. I know that Im better than they are.My new partner is the same. Its not just our new relationship either. Its finally admitting that we made the huge mistake of falling for people who wanted to wreck our lives for their own ends. What we do know is that however things end up we did not deliberately go out to hurt each other and we can hold our heads high. We dont have to skulk around wondering whether someone will suddenly blow our relationship with some revalation.

Im 4+years on and speak with some authority but I do know that becoming happy with my life and myself was the greatest move forward. I wont say Im bullet proof but I do know that any partner I have in the future will not cheat. Not because of the things they say but by their actions. The little things I missed for years.

As for our X partners.??? Nomads trying to find happiness and hurting along the way.

So as the saying goes ''everything happens for a reason'' . Yep and my reason is that there are lots of tiny things I missed for so many years.

Polar

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22 Jun 11 #274277 by glittermom
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Here's a goodie Dr. Phil says:

"If he's done it with you, he'll do it to you."

Wouldn't want to be in the other woman's shoes!

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23 Jun 11 #274314 by divorcementor
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Hi Polar!

It's good to hear that you have found someone who you really like.! :D

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23 Jun 11 #274345 by polar
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Thanks !!
I think more importantly that its a mixture of someone I can trust, someone who accepts whatever faults I have, someone whose faults I can accept , where we can learn from each other and so on.
I thinks that I keep going back to that one phrase. ''Be happy with yourself, find yourself before making another relationship.
I took me a long time to get whatever it was out of my system and realise that I couldn't care less whether I had another relationship or not. I also retained my values. Result is I did find someone ...or they found me.
But from my point of view I must have regained whatever I lost to be attractive enough. From my pointof view its not a rebound situation as I dated extensively (not used people) and sifted out exactly what I didnt want from a relationship.So being 'stable' and exhausting my demons made me a better 'catch'. I do think that most people often accept second best as they search for a replacement . I'd rather do without than go through what I went through last time !!!
Polar

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29 Jun 11 #275287 by divorcementor
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polar wrote:

Thanks !!

I thinks that I keep going back to that one phrase. ''Be happy with yourself, find yourself before making another relationship.


That's right polar!

Just be happy with yourself .Life is full of opportunities that will come if it is really for you.

:D

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29 Jun 11 #275291 by polar
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It can be an uphill struggle hence the original post. (the one I replied to).
Unfortunately its a hell of a roller coaster ride. Ive just got the finalisation to it all after 4 years, one ,momth and 20 days.
Even if you are totally innocent the other party does a hell of a lot of damage both emotionally and financially. One can only believe in karma and hope that real justice can be done.Vut in the maelstrom that follows a break up few believe that normallity will ever recover. For some it does. For others it never does. Polar

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31 Oct 12 #364049 by AwaitingDivorce
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Great read - the orginal post really helped :)

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