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internet dating

  • Shezi
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25 Mar 12 #319955 by Shezi
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to be honest lozzsa, I can''t help feeling someone who jumps in that quickly, to that extent, in as little as 7 dates is bound to put the brakes on at some point.

It''s taken me many years to see the value of ''taking things slowly'' but I get it. I don''t trust getting involved at speed. You have to take the time to get to know who someone is before you can know if they are right for you otherwise the risk is getting swept along on high emotion. Whether that''s meeting someone on the internet or in life.

Forming a relationship on the basis of emotion rather than real feelings and ideas is bound to break somewhere. Let''s face it, we''re all here because we''ve experienced a break up. That''s something worth learning about but it seems to me that many people just move on to the next relationship. If it works, great. For me, I need to understand where the blend of what I want and what I need is so that I can form something that will last.

Just a thought.

Shezi

  • lozzsa21
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25 Mar 12 #319992 by lozzsa21
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I totally understand what you''re saying there Shezi and I think your totally right. I would love to be friends with someone and for it to progress slowly, just don''t seem to have many options for that at the moment.

I think that''s the problem with internet dating, it''s almost like you''re shopping for a partner and if they aren''t suitable then you can pick another! I don''t really like it if I''m honest.

I never rushed any of that experience, took it for what it was and enjoyed it. I worried he was involving his kids too quick and hung back with mine - he''d told his he met someone straight away, but they''re older etc and are always nagging him to get a girlfriend. Kind of wonder if he did it to shush their nagging! Anyway you live and learn don''t you, and I''ve learnt from it. I do still think he''s lovely but he''s obviously not sure/messed up/set in his ways etc etc.

Thanks for your reply, it all helps x

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29 Mar 12 #320579 by Young again
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Hi Iozzsa21!

Thank you for sharing that. I agree with Shezi too and I think what you say about "shopping for a partner" is true.

We come out of a long-term (well we thought it was ''life'') relationship and we cannot help but think of a replacement long-term relationship as being the only kind acceptable.

This is I think a mistake - we ought to make friends (definitely in the plural) and progress friendships. Should some friendships be likely to lead to more then they will do so.

Before we can progress any real distance beyond friendship into intimacy I think we each need to be comfortable with who we are now, post-breakup. It''s a disaster to enter a relationship under false pretences.

It sounds to me as MrNice hasn''t found himself yet.

Good luck!

YA

  • phoenixfly
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01 Apr 12 #321112 by phoenixfly
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Well this is my story, ex hubby left after 19 years,I was 54 thought I would never find anyone..never went out..have my own business..lost all my friends over the years because of my ex...anyway, someone suggested a dating site...went on Match.com at first then tried POF,,and Smooch.com..had agood laugh on the sites ,met a few nice guys..mind there are a lot of players on there but you do get a gut feeling about people..to cut along story short..met someone on Smooch..would never have met him any other way in a million years, we have been together a year now and plan to get married soon...they do work..and lets face it,to meet someone on a night out drinking with pals can be just as bad,they could still be married,players etc...

  • Katie12
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03 Apr 12 #321507 by Katie12
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Hi

I tried POF after my separation. I just went into it to meet people as all my friends are in long-term relationships. I said from the start that I was just looking for friendship. I went on three dates with a guy who was a loon but I knew that it wasn''t going to progress to anything. Then second man I met is now my current partner and we have been together for almost two years. I think you will know from chatting before you meet who some of the players are. Other friends and work colleagues have also met their long-term partners/spouses using on-line dating. I don''t think it has the stigma that it used to have.

I would be wary of the Uniform Dating site though! :laugh:

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06 Apr 12 #322093 by lozzsa21
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LOL - I can honestly say I won''t be going anywhere near Uniform Dating! Ex was a cop and I certainly wouldn''t be wanting to repeat the experience!!

  • Fiona
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06 Apr 12 #322097 by Fiona
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Joined my first dating site by accident a couple of week ago - I thought I was joining a travel site. :silly:

To top it all I was sent a message from Mark Potter!! :X

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