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What lessons have you learned

  • gone1
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11 Sep 07 #3190 by gone1
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Hi all. A lot of us come here and on the other divorce forums. I wonder what lessons have you learned. For me they are:-

Bad people.
I always knew there were bad people. I just didnt know I had hooked up with one. Ok so she was violent. But I am a bloke and people think that blokes that get hit by women are wimps. I was always told never hit a women. I still wouldnt but I think you should be able to defend yourself.

People can turn against you. That loving helpful nice person can turn into a monster at the flick of a new person in there life. You are history. Gone. You will see a very differnt side. Where they were caring they are nasty. etc.

Forever.
Yea right. Nothings forever. 12 years in my case. About what you would get for life. Eternity ring? Ha ha what a laugh.

Stay in your home.
If you can stay. This can be very hard thing todo. Depends on the abuse you recieve. Your life is more important than some bricks and morter. I had a nice hidey hole in the garage and conservetoty. No one was going to give me the good news in there. In the conservetory they would have to have stoved my head in to get at me. I think I would have woke up?

Children.
They can turn against you. Depends on the poisen dealt out but people use children in divorce. Prepair to lose them. My Sister told me I would lose my stepkids very early on. I didnt believe her as I had a good relationship with them. But she was right and I was wrong.

Start again.
Very possible. In fact its definate if you are not to damamged. Dont be a lost and lonely person. There are plenty of people like us out there. The disposed off. The replaced.

Time.
It realy does fix everything. I forget but I cant forgive. Like the song. Every day I love you less and less.

Divorce.
Its a sh1tty process. The person you see across the courtroom is the person you married. Check the marriage certificate. Sure now? Yes its her \ him but they are showing sides that you didnt know existed. And the reason you are seeing this side? They disposed you. Spat you out and finsihed with you. Replaced you for ________ insert here person type.

There are always lessons to learn. That course you went on make pasta or fold paper. They are lessons. But divorce teaches you about life. In the school of hard knocks. Its street lessons if you like. Probably like poker. Which is a people game played with cards. Except marriage is a people game played with peoples lives. Bit like the roman senate.

I could go on and on and you would say I aint reading all that sh1t. I know I bang on a bit.

So whats your lessons?

Chris.

  • mike62
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11 Sep 07 #3192 by mike62
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Trust - you didn't realise what it was until it suddenly wasn't there any more :unsure:

  • Canary
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11 Sep 07 #3194 by Canary
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Life can change totally in a matter of weeks.

You don't know your partner as well as you thought you did.

Realising what you have only after you are about to use it.

No matter what you built together, there is no recognition of this in divorce

  • ToxieDogg
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16 Nov 07 #6796 by ToxieDogg
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I learned that all that glitters is not gold, fairy tale circumstances of getting together and courtships do not always lead to 'happily ever after' and never ever turn your back on friends and family in favour of a partner, husbands/wives are optional but relatives are for LIFE and you just never know when you might have to rely on their help, advice and support.

  • gone1
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16 Nov 07 #6809 by gone1
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I thought of another one. Never go back. I havent and I wont but I know some people on here are lost after the breakup and divorce. There realy is life after divorce. Look at me? I am living testament to the fact. I love what this has done to me now. Its the BEST thing that ever happned. Life is SO good now. Chris

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16 Nov 07 #6817 by Camberwick green
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Strength...
You have more of it than you realise until you call on it.

Independance...
You really don't NEED that person, you should WANT them and they to want you not for you to need them.

Kids...
will always love you no matter what, they will learn the truth eventually.

  • JLGsDad
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16 Nov 07 #6828 by JLGsDad
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What have I learnt so far:

Taking that step to divorce can be liberating.
Never be afraid to take control and move things on.

The stories I'd heard about people who can change character instantly when not in public are true - my wife is an expert.

Trust yourself, smile & make the best of everything - it will all be over eventually.

Keep the kids out of it, no matter how much your extb uses them.

Sites like this have wonderful people on them.

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