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What lessons have you learned

  • NonMolest
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21 Nov 07 #7276 by NonMolest
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Hi All,

I am going through a very messy divorce and I dont know when it will be over. It started in March 07 and I have got hearing for NMO, PSO and contested divorce around May 08 and all the financial have to be sort out as well. I did everything for my wife and kid but somehow it didnt went very well. I received lot of abuse from my wife. she even abused my parents, brother, sisters and she even beat me few times. So I decided to move out of the relationship and go down the divorce route. I had seen my daughter last week (after 5 months) and from then I am thinking it was bad relationship between me and my wife but why my daughter will suffer because of our own egos. It was not my daughter's fault, she has just come to this world and she will face all weird things for rest of her life.

Even I am thinking of reconcillation now and I dont know whether it will make my life worst, but i think there is no harm in giving another try. we can get divorce 2 yrs down the line but i think it will worth trying one more time to sort out the differences before it is too late.

I need your esteem views on that.

NM

  • gone1
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22 Nov 07 #7319 by gone1
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ruby wrote:

hi
ive learnt that words are just that,they might be meant at the time,byt they wont always be true.trust,how can you trust others and yourself?after 2 failed relationships,other party cheated,so whats wrong with me?and will i in my next relationship cheat?before it happens to me.can bad relationships change you as a person,is it all a vicious circle?ive also learnt dont dream,i was smug in my life,good husband who loves me,trying for a family,in 5 mins he toke this away from me,so i have learnt never to rely on anyone but yourself.and also that i have to start loving myself and the good things about me.ex have a way of making you feel no good.today the for sale board went up outside house,dream killed again.but im looking forward not back.will be good to have own independence and decorate how i choose!


Hi Ruby. Trust is earned and hard to gain and its easy to lose. But you have to give a modicum of trust to start with and see how it goes. Bit like giving rope to hang themselves. Relationships are a leap of faith anyway. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

I think life changes us Ruby. We are battered and bruised by life anyway and relationships batter us a lot. I think its best to have a few knocks as it makes better persons of us by appreciate a good relationship more.

Very few people sail thru life without a scratch. I think it makes better people of us. I saw a could on the telly the other day and they had been wed 74 years. Thats rare these days with divorce so easy and its also very easy to meet people nowadays.

I dont think U have to love yourself. Lots of experts say this but I dont think its true. U cant cuddle yourself and look in the mirror and say "I love you" Looks a bit daft. I think we should strive to love what we are and how we are. I think thats better than outright self love. If you love what you are etc this will show thru and others will grant you respect for your ways.

Honesty, self truth, do the right thing, self belief are all good things that we should strive for and they aint hard. They are the kind of things we were taught by our mothers.

See you are looking toward the future. Thats a good start. When this is over you will be fine. So many have trodden the path you are on and so many will follow us. Right enough rambling. Chris.

  • Camberwick green
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22 Nov 07 #7334 by Camberwick green
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I was married once before, we were a couple just kids really starting out in life when we stumbled into marriage and then had two wonderful children. As things progress sometimes you realise that the person you married and thought you knew inside out wasn’t that person at all and 6 years later we split.

Now.. We had nothing, living on benefits and bits of jobs that came by us, I had started back at college because I wanted a better life for me and my children, I gave this up as I didn’t have family backing if I was to end up a single parent.

Our Split was amicable, we arranged what, when and how he would see the children and it was almost split through the middle, there was no financial or housing matters as we rented, but if this had been the case I wouldn’t have took him to the cleaners, 50/50 would have suited me as long as me and the kids had a roof over our heads and food in the cupboards, and the same goes for him.

10 years down the line (yes I got married last year and am in the same boat again) I have had not one single penny in maintenance from my first x for my children, he came into money a few years back and promised me a ¼ share as he was to put some away for the kids’ future too, this I never saw, he got a GF and it all went t*ts up, He even took her on holiday to Egypt whilst his kids went without even just the normal every day things. We had actually been getting along fine apart from the odd little tiff about how tired the kids were after school and how the teachers noticed their performances were getting worse (they were 4 and 5 yo) so I asked him to cut down the after school contact, he did after all get every weekend too, then he got abusive with me and eventually too with his own children, he wasn’t keeping them safe and the bullying started so I made him fight for rights to see them, my way of saying "you can't do that to kids".

We have suffered as a family more than he suffered being separated from us, he always had the good times I always had the bad, he gallivanted at weekends with them, whilst I got the problems with homework and school grades, and of course the attitude after contact!

So, my point is, we are not all bad, money grabbing witches/bar-stewards, we just want what we deserve… to be happy and healthy and not to be taken for mugs. So why is it one always comes off worse than the other? The system MUST change, I feel let down as do a lot of people, both men and Women and we suffer for it, but I am NOT going to let it stop me having a life!

Right thats me all out in the open :lol:just tell me to shut it hahaha

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22 Nov 07 #7335 by Specialdad
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I have learnt that life can be hard but you make it what it is. So its in your hands ultimately B)

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22 Nov 07 #7337 by loobyloo
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camberwick... pause for breath .... well good advice in that hope it gets read
You must be a strong person and sure youll have a good life after the proverbial hitting the fan is over
I am though taking my x2b to cleaners cos he been awful.. i would have settled as yourself quite amicably and fairly but his secrecy and lies changed me , I am not the same person i was 12 months ago but will get back on track..
eventually
looby

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22 Nov 07 #7338 by loobyloo
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camberwick... pause for breath .... well good advice in that hope it gets read
You must be a strong person and sure youll have a good life after the proverbial hitting the fan is over
I am though taking my x2b to cleaners cos he been awful.. i would have settled as yourself quite amicably and fairly but his secrecy and lies changed me , I am not the same person i was 12 months ago but will get back on track..
eventually
looby

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22 Nov 07 #7418 by Altafica
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I have learnt that............nobody can be trusted, even the ones that are closest to you. Dont let one person have complete control over things, especially the finances!!:angry:Whatever you are going through, make sure your children are coping, whatever their age.
And the good side, I have learnt............Im not an idiot, a leech, a waste of space, a punchbag, a bad mother/wife or a fat bitch (well maybe the last one, the fat bit..well I prefer a few extra pounds);)I have learnt that I am a stronger person, a person who has got friends, and the best thing I have learnt is I DONT NEED HIM !:woohoo:

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