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  • gone1
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14 Sep 07 #3363 by gone1
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I used to go and chat to my ex MIL. She passed away august 2002. She used to throw things at me!! There is a bench there and I used to go and get a coffee and a bacon roll and sit and chat to her. The people around there must have thought I was nuts but it did work. The samritans do say things to you but not offer advice. Its great for sorting your head out becuase sometimes you need to line things up in your mind. Connect them if you like. Chris.

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14 Sep 07 #3388 by Gwenmoon
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went to see doctor about counseling complete waste of time. Told me there was a 6 months waiting list i needed it now not in 6 months it will all be over with then. Went to b&q to buy sand to bury my head in

Gwen :angry:

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15 Sep 07 #3445 by Sera
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...bury head in or SNORT! :woohoo::S

OK, Gwen, seriously. When I split with an ex a few years ago, I went to GP, he offered free NHS help, and I did a course in *Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. At first I thought it was a waste of time, but I made a break through when she drew a solar-system style chart.

In the centre of the chart was a circle representing the planet 'Me' (Sera), and circling around me - all my other 'planets': 'planet child', 'planet mum', 'planet work', 'planet friends'.... and so on, until my life resembled a Solar system. We ticked off which of these planets were harmonious and calm, (all of them except 'planet relationship') and then she asked why I'd allowed 'planet relationship' to knock my world off it's axis? Seeing that such a large percentage of my life was actually good, actually worked, and enjoyed happiness elsewhere, allowed me to escape the power which my ex had held over the rest of my life.

That might not help you, but I know my learned behaviour (from back then) is helping me now. You will see a clearer picture if you get help. I would join the waiting list, often they quote six months, then offer places either on merit, or others are over their immediate anxt, and don't bother with their place in the queue. You may find you get help quicker than expected. If your situation worsens, (especially if you have kids) I think they'd help you quicker. Don't be put off, you may still want it in six months, during the aftermath of the storm. My frined recently got help within ten days after being quoted 'months'.

*I think the purpose of CBT, was to change how we COPE with situations, and reduce stress in handling bad times. I was asked to 'score' points in a questionarre, obviously bad situations (divorce, death, illness, Xmas!) made for higher points, and they recognised why I was so 'stuck'. I think the considered order of things is that we can only 'cope' with traumas once every five years. Then re-coup. I've had it thick and fast, layer upon layer for many years.... so I really needed counseling to help me through.

Good luck.

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16 Sep 07 #3472 by divwiki
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Gwen, I agree with Sera and Chris. Go on as many waiting lists as you want, you can always turn everyone else down when someone takes you up and in the meantime talk to Samaritans - it's pot luck who you get there, but some of them are excellent and all of them are free apart from the phone call!

Don't just wait for the NHS, you can also try local charities like MIND. Some agencies also do reduced rates and can see you straightaway because they charge a little. The free ones have the longest lists, surprise, surprise!

Hope you get the help you deserve.

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17 Sep 07 #3489 by gone1
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There is a waiting list for relate. But its expensive but the waiting list is only a month or so. I find friends and relatives help a lot. All this support network is available and its free and there is not a waiting list. What are friends and family for? They were around long before counsiling was invented. Chris

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17 Sep 07 #3513 by dun
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I have to say I agree with ChrisM, my dp took that approach, he hates the thoughts of counsellers and feels that good friends and family that know you both are probably in a better position to help you.

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17 Sep 07 #3516 by Fiona
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