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Same old same old

  • atlastfree
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29 Apr 12 #327237 by atlastfree
Topic started by atlastfree
Oh well, so the children have returned from dads.
The usual, they arive late, only a couple of minutes but always late, funny that :)
I guess we are supposed to get annoyed by it and must remember to do so next time!!!

They arrive, tell us how they have had loads of sweets this weekend and guess what...now have tummy ache.

Homework not done again. They want to do it before bed but they stink and need a bath.

Book bags are soaking wet because water bottles have been left in the bags over the weekend, oh weel another letter to school as to why homework hasn''t been done and who needs to be billed for damaged books.

This is all very normal for a weekend at dads. I find it really sad that dad and partner feel the need to fill them with sweets and ignore educational needs. I know dad and partner are not very bright but you would have thought they would care about the children other than buying favour with bags of sweets.

To be fair the kids have had a fun time and we think that is very important given the near non existent relationship they had with dad when he lived with them because he didnt care. This is a dad who suggested that each take out of the marriage what they put into it, that being that he had 100% of the house and contents and my partner have the children full time.

When does the concept of parenting kick in? Please tell me it will.

Is it only us who have this experience?

  • fedup70
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29 Apr 12 #327247 by fedup70
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No i too have similar problems, late back, child not having been bathed and has had very late nights whilst there, i then get told sadly by my son that i nag him when i tell him its time for bed, its so draining, but i stick to me guns because in the long run its better for him, hopefully parenting will kick in, but i am still waiting. His father seems to think that he is doing me a favout when my son is with him, not the fact that he is there to bons with his son. Hopefully i always think and hope it will all settle down soon. x

  • redwine47
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29 Apr 12 #327263 by redwine47
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I sympathise... I am Very disappointed. on return always... Child. sick, no homework completed, bag of dirty clothing so on..... but child had best tme ever..

What do we mums do... We empty the bags, put the washing on.... get books out for home work.... fill the bath and have the sick bag ready calm them down and so on. .

A friend said to me. '' Never depend on ur OH for support.'' Have things in place.. anticipate the sh*t and be prepared.. We can get frustrated till we''re blue in face but we still have to deal with with the the fallout. eg our children. We have to keep them safe and secure.

I have the benefit of a 22 years old and a 12 year old. Let me tell you the 22 years old knows what it''s all about. (which helps) Hopefully 12 years old will realise someday x

Very frustrating all round. Especially as their dad is a school principal & still doesn''t take their needs seriously. Don''t start me re finances.

  • atlastfree
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29 Apr 12 #327285 by atlastfree
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Whilst sad to hear of similar stories I do take comfort from knowing that we are not the only ones who experience this madness.

Thanks for the replies and take care.

  • Canuck425
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30 Apr 12 #327361 by Canuck425
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Wow, I am am an awesome father ;)! Spent the weekend doing laundry, making sure homework was done and, of course, fitting in some fun. My 8 year old boy beat me at chess (again) and I taught my 11 year old cribbage and she killed me. I wish I could say that I let them win but that would be a lie :P.

Parenting is hard work and I hope your collective exs step up and be present in their kids'' lives in a meaningful and predictable way. That would be awesome!

  • Rgardensfull
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30 Apr 12 #327467 by Rgardensfull
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Hi Atlast,
I totally agree with you, its such a shame that somethings get neglected like basic parenting and homework.

How old are they, is it important homework? Particularly with seniors exams coming up, that just isnt on.

Yes its the same old same ol in so many cases i have seen with friends. Some dads just dont want anything to do with the kids. So i guess its good he has them at all. thats probably more common, than your experiences.:(

When i separated with my husband fortunately he wanted to be part of the kids lives.:PSo many dads dont but he really wanted to and i didn''t want to ever stop him. They would occasionally come back an hour or so past the right time, so i can see your hurt. You said only a few minutes late this time? How bad isit usually?

In the end My ex started to get on with his life and communication became easier, he would tell me if there was a delay.

If feel for you. Why did they smell? What of? That sounds like social services should be involved if they smelt?

If it was just dirt from play then i look at it from the other side and am really glad they have had enough fun to get dirty. I would be concerned if mine came back clean! Wouldn''t any parent!!

Keep yur head up chic XX

  • atlastfree
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30 Apr 12 #327560 by atlastfree
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You make a very balanced response and i think that many points you make seem quite reasonable in one off situations. The issue is that it''s constant with homework never being done, always ill on a sunday night, always coming home smelling, always back late.
In direct response to your question about how late they are back the answer is around five minutes. Is it important, no not at all. Does it make it right, no. However this is a guy who is a control freak and willnot be told, can only tell and demand and must always win.

I guess we will just get used to do the parenting and dad will do the easy stuff because anything more is too difficult.

Oh well, happy days

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