A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Sins of Your Ex

  • perin123
  • perin123's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
19 May 12 #331576 by perin123
Reply from perin123
I think it is very difficult to offer any advice when no one knows what the "sins" are?

Only you know that, and because of that you have to decide what you personally believe is the best thing to do.

If it is seriously affecting others to a point where they could be "harmed" by it, then I would say yes you have to report it, especially if the significant others are children.

As others have said if this is purely for revenge, then don''t say anything, but I get the impression from your post that this is not the case?

Good luck in whatever you decide.

  • Wiser
  • Wiser's Avatar Posted by
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
19 May 12 #331597 by Wiser
Reply from Wiser
thank you for all your thoughts, I wouldn''t be having this discussion if it didn''t weigh heavy or if it was only revenge for revenge sake.

I will not benefit from opening up the can of worms. Personal gain is not my motive.

I have considered a similar position of a friend a couple of years back. That friend decided to say nothing in public but the authorities were found out the truth in the end by another means. The situation was resolved with the ex and them have both gone their seperate ways.

Problem is the friend didn''t have children with the ex. So I have to decide whether it is beneficial to my children to tell the truth, even if it puts my ex and the other involved people in trouble.

I also appreciate that I am unable to discuss the unlawful behaviour so I must make a decision based on what I think best. I have different values to my ex and if I do nothing the unlawful behaviour will continue with catastrophic consequences.

I am finding it hard to accept that people can do bad things and get away with it, or am I still wearing those rose-tinted glasses on life?

Actually that makes me really think I must look at the consequences not just today and tomorrow, but in several months time, and several years.

More thinking required, but thanks again for your thoughts on the horrible situation.

  • sillywoman
  • sillywoman's Avatar
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
More
19 May 12 #331602 by sillywoman
Reply from sillywoman
If you were involved in any way, i.e. when with your wife if you knew of her actions, you then become an accessory. So if whatever it is involves you at all you are just as guilty as your wife.

You are away from her now, so I would say let her carry on doing whatever and providing it is not harming your children or another human being, let it go - it catches up in the end!

  • Mitchum
  • Mitchum's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
19 May 12 #331608 by Mitchum
Reply from Mitchum
This is indeed a difficult decision for you and it''s clear it''s weighing heavily on your conscience.

In my view if these acts are ongoing they''re likely to affect your children anyway. This could be because their bio parent will/may do time and/or because this behaviour could be emulated by them. It might result in the children being in moral danger and how would you prove that without disclosure?

It also depends on the seriousness of the crimes and whether shielding the perpetrators means a victim/s are suffering because they cannot have justice OR that other unsususpecting victims may be affected if you do nothing.

I would also be concerned for your safety and that of the children.

I don''t envy you but I am thinking of you. xx

  • Gloriasurvive
  • Gloriasurvive's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
20 May 12 #331863 by Gloriasurvive
Reply from Gloriasurvive
You have clearly been put in a very difficult position.
Not sure what it is they have done... but breaking the law is breaking the law and where do you draw the line on what is an ok law to break and what is not. The laws are there for a reason.

That is not up to us to decide.

But if it is breaking the law it must be having a negative consequence to someone else.

Can you not tell them you know and want it to stop or you will alert the authorities?
Then they have the opportunity to make good? If not they have made the choice and you can report them with a clear conscience?

I wish you peace with whichever you decide.

  • Nota
  • Nota's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
20 May 12 #331868 by Nota
Reply from Nota
It is very hard decision to make what ever side of the fence you are.

One where, your damned if you do...damned if you don''t! But at the end of the day, you have to live with it.

I asked a similar sort of thing when I joined. Got the same type of response as yourself.

However, for whatever reason at the time (this was ages after I posted on here) I did resort to informing a certain Goverment Establishment of things which they would have found useful if this person/s was to make a visa application.

In the end, it didn''t come to fruition as this person died. I don''t regret my actions either.

There are other HUGE sins which he has done and more than likely still practicing. But something bigger than me will decide when it''s payback time!

As hard as it is, try not to let it eat away at you. Focus on your life....not his, it''s a waste of time and effort.

  • Wiser
  • Wiser's Avatar Posted by
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
21 May 12 #331955 by Wiser
Reply from Wiser
More lies and more accusations from someone who will not negotiate.

I have concluded it is not my choice to make, it isn''t even the choice of my ex any longer, it is in the hands of the authorities, they will decide what do do.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11