Hi Tinkers...
Tinkerbelle wrote: I also know girl aged 13 brings with it problems as well, but what 13 year old girls dont want nice things.
He was not born rich I presume and he worked his way upto where he is. So really, he knows the value of money but in his daughters case, he chooses to ignore what he knows. It could be that he expresses his love in financial terms. Many do this. Including yrs truly.
But there are many sides to this.
Kids of today huh? If you dont have a smartphone then you are a looser. If you dont have the latest Nike trainers then you are a looser. If you dont have the latest anything you are... Yep. A looser. And the last thing you want to be when you are 13 is a looser. This is where all this comes from. There is so much peer pressure these days to have the latest smartphone, the latest shoes and you dont want to at 13 be picked apon and loose all yr mates cos you are a looser.
But on the other hand, when she is older, she may not be able to afford a smartphone and the latest anything. And she has to be taught to live within her means. So she has to learn. And 13 is the exact right time to do it.
At 13 she can choose where she wants to live. By that I mean which parent and if I have to be honest with you, that may very well be with yr ex. Teens are megga selfish and they will shamelessly goto who ever butters there bread on the right side because they do not want to appear loosers. So what may happen is that she may well want to live with dad for a while. And this is bound to upset you for lots of reasons and mostly because you will see this as she is not being taught the value of things. And yr right.
If you were a couple then perhaps you would have some say in this. But yr not and you dont. In theory, you could make a request that he does not shower her in smartphone contracts. But its his daughter and he loves her and wants to make her feel good. This is a bit of a man thing.
But what todo? Its a fact that well sorted kids come from well sorted parents. Or at least ones that work together. But in this respect, you are not working together. So, I think you ought to have a word with him. But only do this if you think he will work with you and not say to yr daughter, "Mummy said you cant have this now". That will harm yr relationship with her right now as she will see that you are sending her straight to looser town.
But... Bottom line Marshy stylee. You are mum. Mums are always special in children''s eyes. Yr daughter may very well want to live with dad to be showered in gifts for a while. You have to prepare yrself for this. But she will always come back to you at some point. As she will not always be 13 and the peer pressure to have the next best thing will go away one day. Often when children go to uni or perhaps some higher education thing, the game changes. She will be surrounded with others that are struggling. And the new fashion will be charity shop look and less new look and last years phone and not Iphone and she will want to fit in and not look so rich kid. U have to be in this for the long game. Hope this makes sense. C.