If you don''t have these in any type of relationship then is the relationship worth the trouble?
It could be your ex, ex-family, ex-friends, even just someone you pass in the street.
When it''s your ex being unpolite and disrespectful the best way to cope is to ignore, they obviously had a bad day, they are your ex for a reason.
When it''s your ex-family (xmil, xfil, xstepkids, xsil, xbil etc) then makes you realise that the whole family have similar traits and best out of it, a long way away.
When it''s a stranger you move on too.
So you realise that you are really better off without those type of people and you can rub shoulders with people who are respectful and polite in life.
It costs nothing, that''s the point, it''s free and it makes you feel good to smile and have positive relationships.
Can''t understand why more people don''t try it, maybe they like to act the victim, or manipulate, or be miserable or not compromise or cause as much trouble as possible, or not communicate. It will have an adverse affect on your health thinking like this.
I think sometimes (I include myself in this) people project what they think others are thinking;
"He''s ignoring me, he must think ......."
"She didn''t text me back, probably because ....."
We come up with our own conclusions that ''fit'' our circumstances and also the relationship we have with the other person.
If our best friend didn''t wave at us as they drove past us - we''d think they didn''t see us - we give them the benefit of the doubt. However if this was the ex or ex family we would assume they were being an @rse. Maybe they were, maybe they genuinely didn''t see us.
People say things for many reasons, to hurt, because they are angry etc. it doesn''t always mean they mean or feel what they say. Best thing to do is to try and disregard these things rather than analyse. Don''t make assumptions when you don''t know the facts.
However if someone is continually being blatantly rude, then you could calmly address this with them or just stop making any special effort and just resort to regular courtesy when in their company.
Some people are mis-informed, twist facts and have other agendas - some behave in a way to provoke or make a statement. We all can make mistakes are not perfect and are simply human.
We can only control and should take responsibility for our own actions, let the others do the same for theirs.
WR, oh I think I know when the phone doesn''t ring, when a card doesn''t arrive, when sentiments from ex-family are not forth coming.
I can pity them and move on, knowing I am free from their type of character who judges, blames, protects their own, and manipulates - I am free.
My independence from such regime only can be understood by others in similar situations, ie Katie Homles doesn''t want her child to be in the Scientology regime/cult as a "little adult" making her own decisions. Further debate there.
So yes, we can only control and should only take responsibility for our own actions and let others do the same for theirs (whether we know/knew them or not).
I am with you wiser, ex family exactly the same. I dont need these people in my life as I only want people I can trust. I also abhor bad manners as politeness costs nothing, so I continue to be polite whether othr people are or not.
Respect. IMHO, that has to be earned. And we tend to respect those that dont put up with any sh!t from anyone. Also there are those that should be respected. That means that anyone that is older and has clearly done that.
You should stick up for yrself. Dont let anyone walk on you. This is very important I think. Take no sh!t from anyone.
I always remember the NCO''s when I was in the army. They had done that and seen that. You knew that. And you respected them for it.
It costs nothing to be polite. But you cant earn politeness. In other words, you cant stop someone who is rude to you and no matter how much you try, in most cases, they will be rude to you. It can be very frustrating dealing with people that are rude to you. The only thing you cant really do is protest and if they still are rude to you, have nothing more to do with them. Thats my tupence. C.