its not fair any of it

brief out line.
already divorced, all still live under same roof (2years now)

I am falling apart again, my ex has issued me with a letter via recorded delivery saying that if i dont pay my half of the utilities and divorce he is going to CC. My solicitor told me not to pay to live in my own home so I did as she instructed, Now I am waiting for the papers to arrive. Also got a council tax bill 4 my half over £700 i am. My ex was and still it a complete control freak and has now started on my garden by chopping down my plants and sheds etc, SURELY there must be somthing that can stop him destroying my home he has also emptied it of most of its contents and nothing has been done, and my solicitor told him to put the stuff back. I feel as thou I am shouting at the top of my lungs and no one does a thing.
I am now at the end 2 years has taken its toll on me and i dont think that i have anything left.
JMK

Do you work? If not is there a reason why not? Is the house mortgage free? Is it in joint names?

I am perplexed as to why your solicitor would tell you not to pay utilities etc. You are using the electricity etc so why would you think you should not pay for it?

As far as the divorce goes, did you agree to share the costs? Or was this ordered?

Where have you got with settling finances? Getting a binding order by consent or imposed is the only was to sort this finally.

Hadenoughnow

i do work, part time, and no finiancial agreement has been made. When I offered ex money he did not want it. we own the home out right in joint names. if i pay what he wants i would be minus money and i need to eat.there has been no agreements made at all. as my sol got me into this mess i am assuming he will get me out of it. i only bring home 72 pounds a week. My ex is hell bent on destroying me as he know that i worry about things big time. thats why he has taken all the furniture and wall decorations etc now he has started on me financially, he gets full benefits and has cash but i cant prove it, he lives a hearty life style. how can i get out of this, i only did as i was instructed by my solicitor.
i have had enough and feel as thou this will never stop.

You should definitely double check this but here''s my experience of utility bills and council tax.

If you are both named on them, you are jointly and singly liable. This means that you should both pay towards them by agreement. If one of you fails to pay it falls to the other party to do so. If both of you fail to pay then the creditor will pursue both of you in court.

If this happens then you will both end up with a CCJ against your names on your credit file. The creditor may start sending bailiffs or debt collectors.

Your ex will have no right to take you to court for these debts, because he is not your creditor, but is actually of course liable for the debt himself.

Unfortunately this leaves you in a ridiculous position of playing chicken with your credit score. If one of you cracks and pays it then they will end up paying it all while the other gets off scot free. This will be a frustrating experience for one of you and will only increase hostility between you.

Better to agree is that you each pay a portion (maybe half), as your ex suggests. As you are using the utilities, his request doesn''t seem unreasonable or unfair that you contribute, though I accept that if you have vastly different incomes then it may make sense for you to pay a smaller proportion.

Also, he should probably learn to ask in a less confrontational and bloody-minded way!

So let me get this clear. Your ex is not working but claiming benefits?
You are working part time on a low wage. Have you investigated whether you are entitled to any other support? The CAB would help or look at entitledto.com.
I assume there are no children to consider?
When did you last speak to your solicitor? Please remember you instruct them; they advise you.
Is the house in joint names?
It sounds to me like the way to sort this is to get the finances sorted asap so you can each have your own home.
We can help you work out what a fair settlement may be if you tell us more about your situation.
Ages, length of marriage, value of FMH, incomes inc benefits, other assets ie savings, endowments etc, pensions and debts in sole it joint names.

Hadenoughnow

justmekim wrote:

i do work, part time, and no finiancial agreement has been made. When I offered ex money he did not want it. we own the home out right in joint names. if i pay what he wants i would be minus money and i need to eat.there has been no agreements made at all. as my sol got me into this mess i am assuming he will get me out of it. i only bring home 72 pounds a week. My ex is hell bent on destroying me as he know that i worry about things big time. thats why he has taken all the furniture and wall decorations etc now he has started on me financially, he gets full benefits and has cash but i cant prove it, he lives a hearty life style. how can i get out of this, i only did as i was instructed by my solicitor.
i have had enough and feel as thou this will never stop.

Solicitors sometimes have an unethical and vested interest in prolonging the conflict. Sometimes they will be wrong, decide for yourself what is right.

If your ex receives full benefits I anticipate this includes council tax benefit.

If you''re working part time you may also be eligible for some council tax benefit. Check at www.entitledto.org or with your local council.

Sadly if you''re in the position that neither of you can afford to live in the house in which you reside, and you are completely divorced then there is no end to this.

You will never get him out of your house, and he will never get you out. You jointly own the property and there is no financial agreement.

Get thee to thy solicitors! Get yourself a financial agreement, which may include selling the house. You cannot continue like this forever because it will make you ill through stress and anxiety.

If you feel that he is working or claiming benefits illegally then you can report him anonymously. That''s up to you though.

best wishes

I get council tax benefit, and i am not entitled toi any more benefits. we have a daughter who is 16 1/2 and wants to live with her dad. as he lets her do what she wants. I have an appointment on tues with sol, i did not ask if i was to pay him i told her that he wanted me to pay this high amount and she said no you do not pay to live in your own home. He does not want to sell as its a prime property and his game is to wear me down so i leave, its been like this for 2 years. there was a comnsent order adn i asked my sol to explain 2 things on there and it then got left by the way side, now he is asking ofr a bigger split, we had been married for 25 yers and both equally contributed, a fair split will put us both on an even footing but not the other way round its a stale mate i think, i just dont know who to trust now its all so confliciting even with sols.