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Building a new social network

  • richdaniels
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06 Aug 12 #347756 by richdaniels
Topic started by richdaniels
Wondering how others fill there time alone now that they are living single again. My situation is I don''t have many friends. My best friend has and continues to be my main source for outlet and social interaction outside of work. I am also close with his parents and spend time with them. My son (who is 20) I get together roughly every other weekend. I have other friends and all my family lives out of state.

Most days I prefer to come home and be alone, just do my own thing. Most weekend I am with my best friend, if not I generally spend them alone.

Ironically, I sometimes feel the need to reach out more. But overall I don''t want to be bothered. I do and have always found large groups emotionally draining.

Curious to know what a typical week is like for many others.

  • afonleas
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07 Aug 12 #347757 by afonleas
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Rich,
Spoke about this before,join some clubs in your area,you will make friends that way and maybe learn something new,since all this has happened i never seem to have enough time for anything,my life has changed completly.I don''t have regular weekends off in my job,so i do not encounter the long weekend.
But there is no need to be alone,you can come into chat we are always there at night and i guarentee you will have a laugh.

Just take care of yourself
Luv and cwtchs Afon xx................

  • u6c00
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07 Aug 12 #347761 by u6c00
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My friend moved to another country. She recommended okcupid as long as you mark your profile that you''re looking for friends only.

Don''t know if that site runs in the states but a similar site might let you meet some new friends.

Alternatively join everyone in wikivorce chat from about 20.00 (GMT) where there will always be some supportive conversation!

Best wishes

  • Margot123
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07 Aug 12 #347777 by Margot123
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Hi Rich,

Having/being in a similar situation when all mutual friends sided to keep in touch with stbx (nothing personal to me I don''t think, just social life had revolved around freemasonery for years so loyalty prevailed - I anticipated it when I made the decision to leave, but still f*cking hurt when it actually happened...)

Just like afon said, joining a club is the best option, you can build a relation with a common interest.

Also, and I read about it on here months before I actually registered and posted, I joined various MeetUp groups in my area. It is an american idea and site so you should be able to find some in your''s. I like this site as it enables me to "pick and choose" what I want to do, ie..small group or bigger, dinner or just drinks, activities etc...www.meetup.com

And as u6 mentioned...come into chat :)

But it all takes time and emotional investement, it won''t happen overnight.

Good luck and take care, might see you in chat

Cx

  • Marshy_
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07 Aug 12 #347977 by Marshy_
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Hi Rich.
richdaniels wrote:


Ironically, I sometimes feel the need to reach out more. But overall I don''t want to be bothered. I do and have always found large groups emotionally draining.

Curious to know what a typical week is like for many others.


This is a slippery slope. Its what I call the single trap and its self feeding. You dont have friends so you cant be bothered. And cos you are not bothered you dont have many friends. What you are actually doing is living in isolation or solitary confinement. Its the kind of thing that violent prisoners have to endure (of course) and what happens to tourists that are kidnapped.

Humans are social beings. We are designed to mix with our peers. Not doing so, limits our horizons and we become cranky and introvert and what you are actually doing is waiting to expire. This is not good and not good for you either.

But its not as hard as it was to find new friends. The internet is a good place to start. And some dating sites have a "friends only" option that allows you to meet members of the same and opposite sex for friendship. Friends are what make like good. We need friends to bounce idea off and just enjoy being with. Having friends to help is good for our souls and giving is getting at the same time. Makes us feel alive and not just work machines.

Lastly, there are lots of people near where you live that are just like you. Everyone needs a friend or 3. And you are truly blessed if you have good ones. I am sorry if I am a bit hard on you. But really, this cant be ar*ed attitude is bad for you.

My tryical week is work, gym, home, cook, sleep, work, out with friends, sleep, work, Gym, home, cook, sleep and so on and so on.

Weekends where it usally happens for me. Could be I meet up with friends and we go clubbing and or drinking and or partying. Ok not every weekend. Some weekends I may help with some DIY. Or help choose a car or give someone a lift what ever. Normal stuff that everyone does with friends. A while ago, a friend helped me fit a new bathroom in my flat. And I would do the same for him if asked. Freinds are not just about help. Its interaction. That friction that only friends can do. And it keeps us sane. I would have gone stark raving bonkers by now without friends.

I have both male and female friends. Mostly male. But I value my female friends the most. I love to shop with women. A male friend will just say, "yea looks fine". But a female will say "no way Chris are you whereing that!!!!"

But becuase I am single, I can just take off at a moments notice. When I worked in london, I stayed on the train once and ended up in Wales lol. Had to buy some undies and wash kit down there. Also bought some cloathes in a charity shop. Not dissing the welsh but I fitted right in :woohoo:

Truly life is for living. If you are not living life to the full, why bother? Soz, I dont mean that you should end your life. But you should live it to the full. As you have just the one life and I wouldnt want you to regret anything that you could have done better. Friends are the antidote to a sh1t existence. C.

  • redwine47
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07 Aug 12 #347997 by redwine47
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I felt like you for a while and then decided to do something about it. Started off inviting neighbours over for coffee, supper or drink wotever suits..... Some had me back some didn''t.... joined new clubs, some gd some not....

What I do know is that YOU have to do it...... No one''s gonna come wrapping on your door. Nothing is ever perfect but that bit of nervous effort for me has paid off... & I enjoy both time alone &with others. I think you want to come out of this rut &wen you do you will find others are interested in you as much as you are in them..

Give it a go please. If I lived closer to you ha....... I d get you out.


Best wishes...

  • Canuck425
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07 Aug 12 #348026 by Canuck425
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I echo the others'' comments. This is hard work and can be exhausting but it is so important.

I''m a year into this and the biggest thing I want to work on is building up the social circle. To me, this is way more important than find a new woman. I want a group of friends to hang with to invite over and be invited.

You do have to do this yourself. You cannot sit there waiting. I have enough friends in singleton but they''re not connected at all. A friend here and a friend there. They''re great, most are married but all are fun to be with and I enjoy them. I need to keep branching out though and meet new people. I need to remember to be patient but to keep working.

I am so fine with my own company and I am not easily bored. So I get what you''re saying about just staying in. But we''re social creatures. I always feel better when I am out with others. It gives me energy.

This fall I am gong to get more involved with meetups and maybe even some sports leagues. I live in Seattle so there are lots of outdoor opportunities like hiking, skiing, kayaking, etc. I just need to turn those into social activities instead of solitary activities.

This past weekend I had no plans. None. So I had to figure out pretty quickly if I was ok with that or not. I decided that I wanted to have plans so I called a friend who lives 90 minutes away and visited him and his wife. Ended up staying the night. Fun. Bought tickets for Sunday on a boat with a friend and his new girlfriend. Fun.

So this is really hard work but I think it is so important. Be fun, be interesting and interested. You will attract people into your life. I see you''re flagged as in the US. If you''re near Seattle send me a message and we can hang out!

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