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Ex wife entering my house without permission

  • happyworker
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08 Aug 12 #348043 by happyworker
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My ex is using my son (he is an adult and has a key) to gain access into my house when I am away (holidays & work). We have been divorced for 6 months now, after agreeing a Clean Break settlement, i bought her out of the marital home to speed things up. She has taken things that she said were hers and has also "borrowed" items and taken them back. Not only is it creepy but when will it stop is what I ask myself? I am considering going to the police but would welcome any thoughts or suggestions people might have.

  • Bobbinalong
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08 Aug 12 #348046 by Bobbinalong
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the difficult bit here is your son is involved.
Are relations with your son ok and does he stay with you?
If so, I would explain to him that he should not get involved and that if ex wants anything from the house she should speak with you. Generally after you are divorced there is a phrase in the Consent Order that states any possessions held by each person at the point of the order issued are now the property of that person, so you each get your stuff before that happens, after then whatever you have is yours.
This is a bit scary as, if relations are not good with your son, it could carry on to money and other info.
But, I would try to nip it in the bud and you could even take the key from your son or change the lock, but it is wrong him being involved.

  • born2bodge
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08 Aug 12 #348250 by born2bodge
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She''s illegally gaining access and stealing things from your house. Change the locks, tell the police. If YOU don''t get your two-pennorth in first she CAN come up with a way to get a restraining order preventing you from entering your own home. Your son is an adult and will have to understand that he will be without unfettered access for a while until she understands that she is not welcome - this is your home! She has NO right to be in your things, NO right of entry and she knows it. There is absolutely no good reason for her doing this. I''d recommend setting up a discreet surveillance camera so you have proof to take to the police. The worst they will do to her is go round and ask her not to, so gather evidence and cover your back now.

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08 Aug 12 #348263 by happyworker
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Me and my son are OK but it is putting alot of pressure on him that he doesnt need. I shall inform the Police and let them have a record of it I think.

  • Bobbinalong
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08 Aug 12 #348266 by Bobbinalong
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sorry, I read it that your son was taking stuff from your house on your ex''s instruction, if what born2bodge is saying is whats happening, she is in fact trespassing on private property, shes like a burgular, basically.

  • Elphie
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10 Aug 12 #348554 by Elphie
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When you say adult son, do you mean a teenager who is legally adult? Or "proper " adult, as in, has his own home, full time job, 30s plus etc? As I think this affects how you should deal with it. The younger he is, and the more dependent he is on you and your ex then the harder it is for him to deal with. The don''t really stop being kids just because the law says they do.
So if 18, and /or still living with either you or your ex then I would say sit down, gently explain that what his mother is asking him to do is wrong. That you don''t want him put in a piggy in the middle position, so you are taking his key away temporarily so that she is unable to ask him to let her in, and that you are referring the matter to the police so that they can deal with it and your son doesn''t need to be involved.

If he is older, and or has his own home and is financially independent of you both, then he needs to be given a good sharp talking to. I''d ask him why he thinks it''s ok for his mother to be given access to your house, and how he would feel if one of his ex girlfriends came and went as they pleased into his home, and was taking things with out asking. And I''d be taking his key until he realised it wasn''t his place to let anyone into my home without my permission, much less remove things from my home. And make it clear that what the ex was asking him to do was illegal, and I was going to the police about the ex

  • Crumpled
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10 Aug 12 #348577 by Crumpled
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Hi i presume you have asked your ex wife not to do this?
I am a bit tired about people being told to contact the police about anything and everything..........
i think it really comes down to the age of your son as the last post stated if he has his own home take the key away or if you want to avoid conflict lose yours and change the locks and forget to give him a replacement for a while.

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