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New relationship and insecurities

  • Minnimoo
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09 Aug 12 #348460 by Minnimoo
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I was last on this website over 12 months ago following the separtion from my husband. I found the site invaluable in support and am hoping maybe it and everyone can help me again!

Having got on with my life, now divorced and happy, I''ve been lucky enough to meet someone to share my life with. We have been together for 7 months and have been living together in my house for the last 6 months. It has been a very fast paced relationship and completely full on, but I fell head over heels in love! He as previously been married and has two beautiful daughters, whom I adore.

However over the last few weeks we have bickered and argued over things I thought weren''t really an issue. Thinking about the issues, I''ve come to realise it is predominitely from my emotional insecurities that have caused the bickering. He also has some insecurities and does not like to talk about emotions, so with our failed marriages behind us, it''s no wonder that these insecurities have crept to the surface.

We''ve already explained to each other why we feel or think like we do, each of us understanding. But I fear bringing the issue up constantly is starting to push him away. He says that I don''t trust him... not trust him not to leave me??!!??

I guess the advice I''m looking for is how can I overcome this fear and insecurity I''m feeling. Why after 7 months has it just hit me?

Help!

  • WYSPECIAL
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09 Aug 12 #348461 by WYSPECIAL
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probably just hit you as the initial euphoria of falling in love is starting to wear off and you are becoming more familiar with each other.

If you both feel you have a problem why not try counselling?

  • maisymoos
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09 Aug 12 #348465 by maisymoos
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7 months in a new relationship is no time at all, you are still learning about each other and getting to know each other. To trust after a broken marriage is never going to be easy. It''s good that you are talking but trust will only be built over a period of time.

Things have hit you now because you have had time to think, you said you fell head over heels in love that feeling is all encompassing and would absorb us all for a while, when that initial feeling subsides slightly you may start to analyse the relationship a bit more and insecurities etc come to the surface more.

Have you considered counselling talking through your insecurities may help you to find ways to overcome them, you may wish to go alone first and then perhaps as a couple. Good Luck

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09 Aug 12 #348466 by Minnimoo
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Thanks Wyspecial.

I have considered counselling, however I didn''t have the best experience of it post separation from my ex-husband. I couldn''t afford it either :-(

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09 Aug 12 #348467 by Minnimoo
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Thanks maisymoos

My insecurities aren''t about the issues and the reason for my divorce. My ex-husband had an affair, yet I whole-heartedly trust my bf in this resepect. It''s hard to explain, it''s like I panic and have a horrible fear - but of what I don''t know?!?!

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09 Aug 12 #348472 by maisymoos
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You have been through a lot of change in a very short time. Your husbands affair may not directly effect how you feel about your BF, but it will have had a profound effect on you indirectly and emotionally and will take a long time for you to recover.

I am 2 years on from discovering my ex''s affair and I also have met someone about a year ago. We do not live together so getting to know him has been more gradual, I trust him too(which amazes me as I never thought I would trust anyone again) however I do recognise that old scars are still far from completely healed, the healing process is long and slow one.

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09 Aug 12 #348479 by Minnimoo
Reply from Minnimoo
You''re right Maisymoo, it''s prob not long enough for the scars to have healed.

And I''m ashamed to admit, but I think an old one is sneaking in right now... I spoke to my bf quickly about dinner 1 1/2 hours ago and he''s still not home, he''s normally home an hour ago! I don''t want to ring or text in case he thinks I don''t trust him! But conversely I don''t understand why he hasn''t dropped me a text to say he''s running late or he''s called in somewhere on the way home. I over think everything at the moment! Aarrrgghh :-(

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