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  • VBDS98
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13 Aug 12 #349198 by VBDS98
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Advice please, sorry it is long winded.
My eldest daughter is intending to go to University. I got a Clean Break where my Ex got both houses. The second property was always intended to help with finances for the children if they were going to University. There is no mortgage on the main home and rental income twice that of the second home mortgage.
My eldest has not communicated with me in any way for over three years. Even changed her surname by dead pole. I pay 25% of my net income in child maintenance for the three children until they leave secondary education. I have always sent cards and continued sending texts and emails until my daughter changed her details and will not allow me to have them.
I have no idea what A Levels she has taken, which university or degree she is looking at. My ex will not give any information and has told me if I do not support our daughter through university my daughter will take me to court under the children’s act.
I have written to my daughter asking for information on university, travel and accommodation costs, what degree etc. and would be willing to help if I know more about what she intends to do.
I have received no feedback.
This is so unfair as I still want the best for my children but I am getting no respect or contact in return.

Should I still try to help financially, although I am struggling as it is.

Any advice welcome

  • somuch2know2
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13 Aug 12 #349201 by somuch2know2
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Firstly, sorry the situation with your kids has gotten so bad.

Second- Taking you to court is most likely just a threat. I dont know anyone who has actually been dragged through this ordeal. Unless otherwise stated in your Consent Order, you are only due to pay childsupport to 18.

You shouldnt be held to ransom.

  • VBDS98
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13 Aug 12 #349204 by VBDS98
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Thanks for the support, but I do know of someone that was taken to court by his son and they won and he had to pay towards the three year degree.

  • Fiona
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13 Aug 12 #349214 by Fiona
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There have certainly been cases on WV where courts have ordered maintenance for over 18s when the parent can afford to contribute.

A Clean Break refers to dismissing claims between spouses but there is no clean break as far as children are concerned. Is there a child maintenance agreement included in the court order settling the finances on divorce and if so when does it say CM should cease?

IF not , and you have had no reply you can''t negotiate. Over 18s in education can apply to court for maintenance from separated parents in their own right and are currently eligible for legal aid. The court would look at both parent''s and the students finances including any loans, bursaries and any income the student has. IT''s pretty awful for 18 year olds to take a parent to court and many students would rather manage without the money.

You could wait until you hear from your daughter. IT maybe she has decided not to do anything about it, or if she sees a solicitor the solicitor would normally write before a court application was made. It would then be reasonable to ask the same questions and negotiate. If your daughter applied directly to court you would negotiate during proceedings.

  • VBDS98
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13 Aug 12 #349222 by VBDS98
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Hi Fiona
I understand the Clean Break, thank you, which is why I asked for it. The child maintenance was agreed for me to pay until the children reach 18 or leave secondary education whichever is the latter.

I do believe that my daughter will do something about it. I very much doubt she would have known about it unless informed by her mother. It could have been a friend but I doubt it unless they have been in a similar situation.

I bet most adults are not aware of this.
I will just wait and see....
Thanks for the advice

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13 Aug 12 #349226 by busy bee
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Hi there VBD

Sorry I am at a loss here as it is not compulsory for children to go to university... and if they do want to go, that is what student loans are for and part time work - thats what I had to do, even with parents who were married and contributed as much as they could.

Stick to your guns on this one and keep all communication - if you can show that you are willing to contribute and have contacted your daughter to discuss the situation, and not getting a response from her, surely the court (if it ever gets that far) will take this into account. It is in no way unreasonable to have the information that you have asked for - she may be unwise in choosing a course that will give her no benefit in the long run and she may waste your money....

Is her mother prepared to help her or is it the case she has told your daughter to get all money from dad?

I am so sorry for you as it is totally unreasonable and has got right under my skin. Your daughter believes that you are a bank and this belief has clearly been encouraged by your ex.

Please don''t give in. I can''t see how you can be forced to help someone who is legally an adult - and what is going to happen when your other children start doing the same?

All the best and good luck

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13 Aug 12 #349229 by sillywoman
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One of my daughters began the legal process under The Childrens Act to try and get financial assistance whilst at uni from her father, but decided at the last minute to drop it even though she had an excellent case and her father has alot of disposable income. Her view is that if her father doesn''t want to help, sobeit.

Her course means many books are needed which she buys second hand. I help as much as I can with food parcels, but accommodation and travel to the uni from her student house and books takes up all her income so she rarely goes out.

Sadly, part time jobs for students are now few and far between.

The only person who will ultimately suffer is our daughters'' father because one day he will regret his diabolical actions towards our daughters and sadly I fear it will be too late.

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