Ive been separated now for 13 months and divorced since march.
All i ever seem to do is fight, the kids playing up,the ex being a pain with ten,constant solicitors letters, now he on about finance and i think being unreasonable.
I am skint,never go out,putting on weight and drinking to much.
Got a rental property that i have had trouble with,spent more time in court this last 12 months than a judge.
All i feel i do is work,argue with the kids,write solicitors letters to correct the ex lies and go to court.
I have no life,friends had enough, bizzness going down the pan, when will it all stop????? Don''t think i can take much more!!!
I know that before my divorce came through I expected the divorce papers to be the epiphany and the end of it all, how wrong I was .... Started on the financials and this seemed to take ages and was more intense and hurtful / harder than the divorce tbh.
It gets worse before it gets better and it is a cycle, you''re stressed the kids get stressed you eat / drink and then around it all goes again. ... This was me at least.
Am now 2+ years in and all is over the divorce, financials and sorted out paying for all x''s debts so life is good, better, easier and I can move on... Mind you eating like mad which has to stop!!!
Keeps at it, try not to let it affect you (easy said I know) it will end .. Honest
Thanks jj,just seems if its not one thing its another, i am up for a few min, just start things are going ok, and "BANG" another blow. I would give anything for a quite fair life rite now.
I am so tired and fed up,spend a lot of time wondering why i bother.
Wake up every morning,start remembering and wish i could just stay there and hide so no one can hurt me any more,including the children, i really am trying my best, i am no super mum, but i love and care about them and try my best,and they throw it back in my face. I want to tell them that there farther is a w****r and couldn''t keep it in his pants and left us all for a bunch of freaks, but i cant and wont stoop to his level.
Why cant they see i am doing my best and feel like i am failing!!! again...
Sorry for the rant.
How old are your kids? I have 2 teenagers, they both took to the split in their own ways, I realised I could no longer protect them from my x''s inconsistencies and lies (re prezzys, events etc etc), due to their age I have (I feel) always been truthful with them, but tried not to diss my x as he is still their dad
It is really hard, I know, they do realise but sometimes they are so wrapped up in their own lives (which we all know are always more important than ours lol ) and will do something without realising how it can hurt.
As for the waves of ... Panic/regret/hurt/ fear of the future etc do ease with time, I use to make sure that I only answered x''s txts after I slept on it, the same with emails and letters from solicitors. It is almost laughable sometimes, the lengths some people will go to hurt you or try to carry on asserting their control of events. Many a time I was just hours away from filling in another court submission to try and get compliance of the Consent Order, or getting my sols to write to x''s or x regarding contact, (lack of). But I realised I couldn''t "fix" my x (IMO re contact there were / are issues to fix, of course I expect that x doesn''t agree) and / or was it worth paying the £26 per 6 mins to engage in written conversation with x ... ANS no defo not!
Patience and resilience will get you through, stick to the routine of life, and look after yourself, other things can wait.
Cant agree more with fairy. You are under pressure, depressed and no matter how hard you try to hide it, your kids can feel how stressful the situation is. If you can, try to do something for yourself once a week like going swimming, or having a nice bath with bubbles and candles, or having an early night with a good book or magazine. Your best response to this situation is to show your ex that you are doing very well without them. I divorced 3 years ago and have just had the last of the finances sorted. Dont let your ex, the divorce and all the other nonsence define you. Try not to be bitter or carry his baggage. See this as a time to discover a new you. I truly believe my ex did me a favour by forcing me to take back my life.
Resilience is exactly what you''ll need. Take each day as it comes - things will and do get better - its just a matter of time.x
Minxy - we are all different - and I don''t claim to have any answers - but I thought I would just chip in with an ''you are not alone'' sort of message. Sometimes responses from wikis can be a life line. As was said earlier, little things for you. I have cheap and cheerful plants from Morrisons all over the house.
Some days are better than others. Hang on in there. sc